Women Movie Reviews

But a ten-foot giant kills all of the women and the girls are raised by a wise woman. Eventually the girls grow up and have strange feelings. The wise woman sends them out to capture some men.

Well, now the women are the oppressors as they boss their males around. Eventually, this is worked out in the end so that all are happy.

This could have been a better DVD release, but the night scenes are so dark it is hard to tell what is happening. This is made even more difficult by the fact that they speak a cave language.

Also, much of the movie seems to be an excuse for the leopard-skinned young ladies to jump up and down around the campfire in primitive dance (at least three long scenes like this).

All in all it is really quite silly. But is bouncing young women are what you want to watch, that's pretty much all you'll see in this one.

See two tribes of clean, well groomed savages discover the basic principles of science in a couple of weeks! Thrill to the flight of the duck-a-dactyl! Cringe from the giant Guati and wonder if that poor guy got paid anything over scale! Get a sandwich as the girls dance and know not why!

As an aside, modern audiences will be amazed that this was once considered racy fare, perhaps because of the bathing-suit-like fur outfits sported by the dubious "beauties" in this film. Hubba hubba!

As with a lot of the dvds in this "horror classics" series, the inclusion of at least one of the movies is questionable. Here that would be the crime-based Swamp Women. Yet, I'm glad, because it exists on dvd nowhere else. The other films exist in other formats, and have been amply reviewed, sometimes by me, so I will constrain my comments to Swamp Women. (Phantom gets a dull 2 stars, Creature gets a sometimes-good 3 stars.)

Swamp Women itself is no great shakes, earning a shaky three stars. You need to know little besides "1955" and "Corman" to figure that out. His movies from this early period are gratingly inept, but without a lot of the goofy charm that they possessed just a few years later. The draw is the cast: Beverly (Pretty Poison) Garland, Marie (The Killing) Windsor and Mike "Touch" Connors, of Mannix renown. The story involves a butchy policewoman going undercover in a Louisiana jail to infiltrate a gang of broads (led by Windsor, whose screen name is Josie. Would that make them Josie and the Alleycats?) who know where their former boyfriends hid a cache of stolen diamonds. The hard-bitten ladies take her into their confidence at once, as they perform "hard labor" in what appears to be a cigarette warehouse. They escape easily by climbing out a window, and run to a waiting car. None of this arouses any suspicion.

They change (offscreen) into pastel shirts, then commandeer a motorboat which holds Connors and his girlfriend ("Hey, baby, wanna tour the swamp?"), and a guide, who is shot dead so that penny-pincher Corman could pay him only for an hour's work. Connors, the nominal hero, is knocked cold by one weenie Windsor punch. The policewoman must then balance her hardened criminal act with her attempt to keep the hostages alive.

They all head toward the diamonds, inserting lots of padding and filler and stock footage, making time for bickering and cutting off the women's jeans to make them into short shorts. This meager bit of cheesecake helps the movie a whole bunch. They fight over Connors' affections as he is tied to a tree, and Garland has a nice wrestling match with the Jan Sterling-esque Jill Jarmyn (If you're familiar with Jarmyn's history, you know she's had practice). Plus, Connors, who earlier had been KO'd by Windsor, battles an alligator and kills it quite simply. Yet not before the budget-conscious Corman allows it to bloodlessly kill the girlfriend, who was flailing in clearly much bluer, cleaner water. (Personally, I think this scene was inserted later only at the behest of Connors and his agent, so Touch would not be the most worthless "hero" in the history of cinema.)

The movie tries hard to be tough and mean, like the caper films of the period, but it doesn't walk the walk, and it certainly can't talk the talk. Windsor's main hard-boiled line (over and over) is "Cut it out, you two!" The Asphalt Jungle this is not. Eventually they reach the "buried" loot, which appeared to be no more than delicately wrapped in dry reeds, rather like a tamale. More squabbling occurs. Then the group begins their trek back out of the swamp. Ill-planned double-crosses, a shootout that wouldn't have needed to happen, a javelin toss, a rattlesnake, a poignant death, catfights, oarfights, headbutts and a circling police helicopter ensue before a romantic fadeout that is just ... yucky.

Now I shall cowboy up and admit my particular bias. Beverly Garland was one of the few B Scream Queens who could act, really act. But it gave me no great pleasure to see her acting like a kill-crazed Bayou Barbie. And although her rassling matches with Jarmyn made me wish this had been made 10 years later, they were somewhat offputting, in part because they were quite convincing. I also did not like her playing second banana to Windsor. I won't even begin to discuss Garland's demise.

In fact, the whole cast is decent. But the script and direction are so bad and unambitious that they annoy, rather than elate. Not enough happens to be truly, memorably terrible. (I find bad noir less appealing than bad sci-fi.) A felt-and-rubber Blaisdell monster would've helped.

As always, when I describe early Corman, I like it better now, having reviewed it. Writing all the silliness down gives me a chance to process it; what was merely blah before brings chuckles in retrospect. But I don't know that it would help on repeated viewings.

Still, the three mediocre movies combined make for a dvd worth owning.

The idea of Karaoke is to be able to sing with the music. Unfortunately they melodies were flat in parts and the subtitles frequently out of sync. The worst was on my favorite song on the tape, "Rapture." The poor instrumentals made it hard to get the rythym of the song, and the onscreen lyrics were out of sync much of the time. I wished they'd put their money into more music, bag the videos, and spend more effort getting their subtitles together. Next time I'll just buy a Blondie CD and print the lyrics off the Internet.

The story, such as it: the Martians (who look suspicious like men with a Spandex fetish) have run out of women, so they nip next door in a spaceship that looks like an over-decorated pie pan to borrow a few. Now, it happens that the ones they want lack brains, beauty, and God knows they lack acting talent, so you'd think Earth would be glad to see them go. But no, Earth gets offended; the Martians decide to take 'em anyway; hostilities ensue. Whoop-De-Doo.

Now, there are bad movies that are fun to watch. But MARS WANTS WOMEN is not one of them: it won't take you ten minutes to realize that you would have been better off using your dollar bills for toilet paper than spending them on this flick. If you don't believe me, then at least rent the darn thing before you buy it--but either way, don't say you weren't warned.

Martians Tommy Kirk and Company, in vacuformed bodysuits with "boing" antennae, announce to the Pentagon that Mars needs women. When America refuses to cooperate by providing a few suitable single females, Kirk and Crew baldly state that they will simply do their own informal poll and take some girls on the sly. The Secretary of State informs the public that Martian kidnappers are on the move, and creates a think-tank to deal with the problem. One of the think-tank's members, space geneticist Yvonne Craig, falls into Kirk's sights as a perfect inductee for the Martian breeding program - and, unaware that Kirk is in fact one of the Martians she is working against, she falls for him while he is in undercover guise.

This is one of the weirdest movies ever made. It isn't a comedy, nor does it try to be one. That it isn't good goes without saying - but it's really not that bad, either. Strangely enough, the script would actually have worked, if given a halfway decent production. It's all played serious as a heart attack, and only the incredibly cheap production values, drastically overused stock-footage padding, and a lack of rehearsal that make the performances come off as first dress night at the local community theater kill it. It's got virtually no entertainment value, and yet the seriousness with which the story is undertaken almost hypnotically holds your attention. It's sometimes amusing - and even interesting - in spite of itself.

It really is a cheap ... though, recommended only for unusually thorough sci-fi cinema buffs.

Starting from the lame script and less then B-movie acting , this movie is so boring and the little action is ridicules .

Sometimes it is so bad it is funny like when someone is supposed to be flying in a helicopter but you see stand still tree reflection on the window .

The production is very poor with teribble locations , customs and extras (apperntly the Amazonas is populated by Africans) and to top it all the sound is bad and the picture quality worse (with lots of "snow" in the beggining) .

This title is so bad it gives bad name to all other B-movies , stay away from this one .