Airfields Movie Reviews

No doubt that these two are Jean Claudde Van-Damme's best films. Bloodsport got the ball rolling, and I actually enjoyed watching Double Team (with Dennis Rodman but don't tell anyone!), but I enjoy watching HARD TARGET and TIMECOP more than the others. Maybe because they've both got two seasoned and professional directors behind the camera (John Woo and Peter Hyams). Your guaranteed an enjoyable double feature with Hard Target, where rich men go on a 'hunt', the prey consisting of mainly homeless people and TimeCop, a Sci-Fi adventure through time where Van Damme is policeing 'time-travel' as people start to bend history to their own greedy needs. It's got some great effects and production design, not to mention the slick photography by DOP and director Peter Hyams (of 2010:The Year We Make Contact and the other fun Van Damme flick, Sudden Death).

As I mentioned above, Sudden Death should have also been included into this package and you could have spent an entire day of explosive action. But since we've got these two, watch out for Lance Henrikson's awesome 'bad guy' performance, John Woo's slick direction (which at some parts, puts M:I-2 to shame because it was R rated and not pg-13), in HARD TARGET and watch for Ron Silver's slimy politician role and the slick effects used in TIME COP (filmed in my hometown of Vancouver).

Well, it doesn't get any cheesier than this! I should first offer an apology to the world at large concerning my behavior when I first watched this in 1982. You see, I was young then and didn't know much about anything going on in the world at large. To me, "They Call Me Bruce?" was funny, quite possibly the height of humor some twenty years ago. How could you not laugh about an Asian guy coming over to the United States, eventually mistaken for Bruce Lee by a bunch of mafia hoods, and then embarking on a cross-country drug run full of hijinks? I am here to tell you now, in the full flower of my adulthood, that this movie is NOT funny except for an occasional one liner tossed out by lead star Johnny Yune. Rewatching this ultra cheesy, gutter budget turkey absolutely proves the rule that some things enjoyed as a child should never rear their heads again later in life. I cannot believe someone saw fit to release this refuse on DVD.

Don't get me wrong: sometimes cheese-laden movies are a good thing; we all have our favorite low budget groaners. I hope for your sake that one of these favorites is not "They Call Me Bruce?" Starring Korean stand-up comedian Johnny Yune, this fish out of water story attempts to document the antics of Chan, a native Korean (or Chinese?) who works for a bunch of hoods in California. Everyone calls Chan "Bruce," a reference to the late martial arts star Bruce Lee, and even Chan has posters of the legend hanging on the walls of his apartment. Chan is no Bruce Lee, however, as he doesn't even look like the guy and he knows no martial arts whatsoever. This deficiency on the part of our hero doesn't stop the crime boss from tricking Chan into carrying cocaine shipments disguised as flour to drop off points across the country. Since Chan works as a cook for the crime family, he sees nothing wrong with this proposition. The rest of the film outlines one painfully inadequate scene after another as Bruce runs into dangerous thugs, police officers, federal agents following him and his chauffer in order to shut down the crime family, black street hoods, and hillbillies in a country western bar. Throughout it all, Chan continues to follow his dying grandfather's advice to get to New York City where he will find the girl his grandfather loved.

This movie is so dumb that it isn't even laughable 99% of the time. The martial arts scenes are painful to watch, the dialogue is arthritic, and the set pieces (particularly a casino scene in Las Vegas) are so cheap that they look filthy. Then there is the stereotyping that virtually insures a film like this would never get made today. At least "They Call Me Bruce?" indulges in equal opportunity stereotyping. For example, blacks are street hoods who talk "jive," a Jewish mobster talks in a neurotic tone while eating a bagel, the Italian hoods all talk with heavy accents and eat spaghetti, and Asians run martial arts dojos. At one point, a thug makes a cringe worthy reference to Kunta Kinte from "Roots." Even many of the whites in the film appear as dumb hicks straight out of the trailer park.

At least cast member Pamela Huntington, playing federal agent Anita who follows Bruce on his adventures, is quite attractive and nice to watch. Margaux Hemingway appears here as well, playing the weightlifting girlfriend of one of the mafia thugs. Hemingway is not as nice to look at; she looks sweaty and not at all healthy in her role as Karmen. Occasionally Anita and Karmen duke it out in a lame karate fight, but even two girls fighting isn't enough to raise this shipwreck of a film. I don't recall seeing Marsha Warfield in this film even though she appears in the credits, but I'm convinced that the guy who played Porky in that obnoxious series of early '80's films played a bartender in an early scene. None of this matters, though, because the film's lameness taints anyone who appears in it.

As for Yune's jokes, well, here are a few of them. You decide if they are funny: "I was once run over by a Toyota...Oh, what a feeling!" "We were so poor that when a thief broke into our house, we robbed him," and "I once knew a woman who made her husband a millionaire through gambling. Only thing was, he used to be a billionaire." Now certain situations Yune is in when he tosses off a one liner do cause a faint chuckle even today, but this is not brilliant comedy. Rather, it is a mix of weak slapstick, weak one liners, and a corny ending that in no way redeems the previous eighty minutes of gruel shoveled down the viewer's throat.

The DVD transfer is poor, with lots of grain, what looks like slight tearing on the print, and lots of washed out colors. The sound quality is sub par as well, although you can still hear the bad jokes and pathetic overacting easily enough. The only extras on the disc are three film trailers for obscure movies. A director's commentary would have been nice if for no other reason than to hear who bears the responsibility for this atrocity. "They Call Me Bruce?" is a horribly produced, terribly outdated film best relegated to total obscurity. With so many good films still in desperate need of a DVD release, it is deeply troubling pablum like this found its way to store shelves.

This a true classic. I grew up watching this as a young kid and I love it! Johnny Yune stars as the english accent challenged "Bruce", a goofball of a character that is inexplicably trafficking cocaine for the mafia that he thinks is "special flour". Along the way you'll see more politically incorrect characters, jokes, and slang than you can handle. Dumb cops, amateur "kung-fu", one liners from cheeseville, 70's styled chicks and hilarious stereotypes! If you go into this movie with the mindset that it is a b-movie, I think you could end up enjoying yourself. For the TRUE fans of older Cheesey movies.

Why? Caddyshack 1, although emmesly hilaruios, didn't hold much of a storyline. They just jumped right in! If Danny died I wouldn't have cared. But here's the thing. It grows on you. You start noticing things.
In Caddyshack 2 Jackie Mason was a improved Rodney Dangerfeild.

Jack Hartounian (Jackie Mason) is a self-made millionaire facing trouble from a historical society when he's about to tear down a rickety old building. His daughter Kate (Jessica Lundy) wants to be like the other rich people and join a country lcub, and Jack agrees only because he wants to make her happy. When he faces extreme predjudice from the snobbish members, the leader of whom is Chandler Young (Robert Stack), he fights back by buying the club and turning it into a mini golf course. While he gets help from the zen playboy Ty Webb (Chevy Chase) and homicidal lawyer Peter Blunt (Randy Quaid), Chandler gets help from bumbling surviellance expert Capt. Tom Everett (Dan Aykroyd). Who will win out? Plus, the gopher has a bigger role!

This sequel is considered to be the worst movie of all time. Save that honor for Manos, The Hands of Fate (1966), this is the sequel that blows other sequels (except for the Back to The Future Trilogy) out of the water. The major and secondary actors give wonderful performances, especially Randy Quaid, who must be seen to be believed. The writing is more family oriented, with the PG rating, but that doesn't mean it's a bad thing. The direction is good. The disc is presented in full-frame with moderate grain, but overall is good. The audio is in Dolby 2.0 Surround, and is great sounding. There are no extras, knocking down a star. Where is the Special Edition?

CADDYSHACK II
(1988, PG)

Jack Hartounian: Jackie Mason
Chandler Young: Robert Stack
Elizabeth Pearce: Dyan Cannon
Cynthia Young: Dina Merrill
Harry: Johnathan Silverman
Todd Young: Brian McNamara

Director: Allan Arkush
Writers: Brian Doyle Murray, Douglas Kenney (characters), Harold Ramis (chracters and screenplay), Peter Torkovei (screenplay)

MOVIE: 4.5
VIDEO: 4
AUDIO: 5
EXTRAS: 0
MENUS: 3
OVERALL: 4

This was such a surprise! Who would have thought Jackie Mason was such a force. Chevy Chase and Rodney Dangerfield;Phew!
Jackie is the man! Why there wasn't a Caddyshack III is beyond me. Jackie"Can you hear me" DO MORE MOVIES!I'm leaving my computer right now and going back to my TV and watch "CADDYSHACK II" one more time.

This is not a typical Playboy DVD with video segments of a Playmate or model who is dancing or posing to some background music. This DVD is a collection of episodes of a TV show called Sex Court that plays on the Playboy Cable Channel. This show is a bizarre version of Judge Judy combined with whacked out Jerry Springer-type guests, while Penthouse Pet Julie Strain presides over the cases.

There are 7 video segments here, each running about 6 minutes.

There is mostly talking here, as Judge Julie listens to both the plaintiff and defendent plead their cases, and after listening to each case, she gives a ruling, which the losing side has to accept the judgment.

The cases are strange and perverted. Probably the most normal one was a daughter pleading her case that her mother should not be allowed to be a stripper anymore. Judge Julie ruled the case to a stripoff that the mother had a right to bare her body, and they performed a stripoff in front of the studio audience to show who was a better stripper.

The weirdest case was where one guy wanted his brother to stop having sex with a realsize rubber female doll. It was really strange to see as Judge Julie rule on this one, as she wanted to see this guy demonstrate how he made love to an inanimate object.

The funniest case involved a couple, where the woman would not have premarital sex with the man until they were married. Then the guy pops out a ring and proposes to the woman on the spot. I won't spoil the outcome, as it is quite shocking and hilarious.

Strange bizarre stuff, too weird for my tastes. Very little nudity, maybe 10 minutes total. It's intriguing to see once, but I wouldn't watch it multiple times. I'm glad I only rented this. Not recommended as a buy.

If you call the tv a "magical story box" and like blinking lights, you still will be driven through the torment of boredom by this slow paced atrocity. booooooooooooooooo!

This is an awful [movie]. Very few attractive girls. Very little nudity. What nudity exists is of average looking girls, far away, and tame. They even have a long segment of a guy doing it with a doll. Horrible. The worst. ...