Austin Movie Reviews

If you ever happen to be viewing the Sci-Fi Channel at around 2 a.m. and begin to wonder what the perpetual image of dung with monsters floating around in it is, then you may be watching NEON MANIACS. This little piece of bad 1980's shock-and-scare tactics should be ranked amongst the worst films ever mentally conceived, let alone actually produced. But hey, do not simply take my word for it. Listen to the brilliant storyline. Basically, it all starts with a crusty old fisherman in San Fran who discovers a pile of trading/tarot cards depicting various monstrous creatures in stylish poses. Old salt is subsequently killed by the REAL heathens, and he isn't the only one! The Halloween rejects then commence with their trek to the inner city to prey upon unsuspecting teens, thus finding a tasty group and slaughtering all involved sans the beautiful blonde with no acting ability. For some reason, the goobers sweat a green goo, this being the only evidence true evidence in the murder case. Naturally, no one believes the impressionable young blonde was attacked by corporeal comic book monsters, and the only one who can bestow any form of comfort is the young Bobby Vinton wannabe who has a crush on her. The duo end up running afoul of the goobers some 20 times before staging the final battle at the school dance, a lengthy scene depicting everything from death by waterguns, mutant disco, and even a rotund character who falls victim to a goober dressed like a surgeon while watching T.V. in the bowels of the building. Sound cute? It certainly is not. The driving question of this film can oddly be summed up in word: Why? Why do the goobers emit green goo? Why can they only be destroyed with water? Why is the acting so bad? Why is their a ridiculous attempt at a poetic monologue at the beginning of the film? Why are the goobers referred to as the 'Neon Maniacs'? Is it because they only attack at night, i.e. like neon signs, implying that they work best at night? Why do the goobers live under the Golden Gate Bridge? Why does San Fran have Subway systems? Why are the goobers all humanoid except for the diminutive cyclopian reptile? Is he their leader or a bad plot device? Why doesn't the 80's metal band Judas Priest come to the school dance to show the goobers what a real rock group looks like? If this were so, would it make the film any less incomprehensible? Would it actually make it more difficult? Where did the trading/tarot cards come from? Do the goobers have their own printing company? Why do they decide to kill instead of bring peace? Why do they exist AT ALL? What exactly is their mission? What ARE THEY ANYWAY? Where in the name of the vortex did these things come from? Why won't they JUST GO HOME!? Why didn't I TURN THE CHANNEL!? The best answer is that their is no answer. If David Lynch had wrote and directed this film, there may at least have been some fraction of artistic merit to it. Even Lynch ties his films together in some manner. THIS is just scattered nonsense. The make-up/prosthetic effects are anything but special, the soft music score is completely out of place, and the screenplay is so absurd that it was probably defecated rather than written. To be honest, I would not even give this excrement one star. This is easily one of the 10 worst films ever made, alongside such winners as "Street Trash", "Space Mutiny", and "Freddy Got Fingered". So, viewer beware, for the Neon Maniacs are out to get you and your aesthetic judgment. Be sure to pack plenty of waterguns and common sense, because they happen to be the only defensive weapons against this garbage. You have been warned.

Final Rating: 0 (zero) out of 5 Stars
Final Grade: F-
*Dishonorable Mention: One of the 10 Worst Films Ever Made.*

mulnush@msn.com

Neon Maniacs is an 80's horror movie about monsters that live under the Golden Gate Bridge and can only be killed by water. Each maniac is different like one samuri and one is a doctor. The thing they all have in common is that they are ugly. They are on the hunt after a girl after she is the only survivor of a slaughter. She and her friends have to battle with the maniacs in order to survive. This movie suffers from some of the things that typical 80's horror movies do, like lack of emotion in the actors and predictable story lines, but all in all it is an okay b movie. Especially the maniacs train chase and when they crash the prom.

Ok, here it goes, i was around the house one sunday afternoon, when i turned on the sci-fi channel, becausei know that around sunday, they have some awesome low budget movies, i love those!!!(most of them anyway) I had only missed the beginning by around 10 minutes, so i didn't miss a whole lot. But what i did see astounded me. the frst thing i saw was a low budget, so i was intrigued, and i'll aggree with phantosmos that the acting was a little on the bad side, but what hit me hardest was that the makers of this fine piece of film had a very low budget, but they used every bit of that budget to the very maximum. i thought that the individual motifs for the monster guys was pretty cool.

The matches here are pretty [bad], the only one with talent here is Chris Adams and Steve Austin. Anyways the matches are:(ps these matches are from the USWA days located in Texas)

Steve Austin - Master of Mayhem. It depends how much you're paying here, im from Canada and payed bout 10 bucks for it on DVD thats like 6 bucks american so dont pay more than 10 bucks for those in the states. He looks like Y2j here and kinda neat to see him in his rookie years.(04/2002)

Austin/Eric Embry vs. Bill Dundee and Gary Young - Seemed forever but its only bout 10 minutes, its basically headlocks and stalling moves. Ending is fun as Gary and Bill get beat up with handcuffs and Bruce Pritchard joins in the beating of Gary and Bill. *1/2

Austin vs. Al Clinton - jobber squash for big al, this match i enjoyed as steve picks ups this fat guy twice and then does a five star frog splash twice! ***

Austin/Sheik Braddock & Jeff Gaylord vs. Chris Adams, Matt Bourne & Embry - Matt Bourne is Doink! and Chris Adams tragically died in 2001 by a rifle. To the match it was slow and long and a bit entertaining, the heels all get beat up in the end though. **

Austin vs. Jimmy James - this match is to make austin look good, he does a different sort of stunner as ull see it there. Jeannie (his 1st wife) looks like Debra. 1/2*

Austin/Percival Pringle vs. Adams/Chris Von Erich - The crowd loved this match , Percival Pringle is Paul Bearer , skinnier though and Chris Von Erich also died by commiting suicide at 21 with a 9mm pistol to his head.
The match was entertaining as Chris Von Erich and Paul Bearer were wrestling horrible in a jokingly way , its pretty funny. **1/2

EXTRAS: a slide show including goldust as dustin rhodes, cactus jack and andre the giant, j.lawler , JYD etc..

a 5 question quiz about austin

Madacy has released a handful of DVD's from World Class and the USWA featuring former superstars who went on to greatness. Cactus Jack, Jeff Jarrett, Steve Austin got their own. There are also two compilation discs.

Steve Austin - Master of Mayhem. This DVD is worth the price just to see Austin with hair. This is around 1989-90 from WCCW and Austin is a rookie or in his second year for most of the matches. Austin's USWA heel act is VERY reminiscent of Chris Jericho's current (04/2002) act.

Austin/Eric Embry vs. Bill Dundee and Gary Young - Typical southern U.S. tag formula. Austin is a completely different person here than Stone Col. Embry was booker for WCCW for what seems like forever. Dundee and Young didn't amount to much in either WCW or WWF. **1/2

Austin vs. Al Clinton - Just a squash for Austin to showcase his stuff. Austin in surfer gear just looks wrong. *1/2

Austin/Sheik Braddock & Jeff Gaylord vs. Chris Adams, Matt Bourne & Embry - Gaylord had a good look and was for the WWF for a while before they found out he couldn't wrestle. Bourne was Doink the Clown and Big Josh in WCW. He was even in the first Wrestlemania as himself. Chris Adams wife Jeannie left him for Austin both in storyline and real life. She looks JUST like Debra who would also marry Austin. This match is energetic enough because of the number of people involved. **3/4

Austin vs. Jimmy James - Bleh match whose sole purpose is to put Austin over. Jimmy James is so non-descript I forgot his name as I was typing this.

Austin/Percival Pringle vs. Adams/Chris Von Erich - The story here is when Austin is in it is even or he dominates, but when Pringle (Paul Bearer) is in, his side loses. Typcial WCCW-style match with a hot crowd. ***

For a real best of Steve Austin try finding a DVD called Steve Austin (Before They Were Stars). It features many of these matches, PLUS 2 Austin/Jeannie Clark vs. Chris Adams/Toni Adams matches that are really the best of what Austin did in USWA. Still this is pretty good if your a fan of Austin or USWA, but if you're an average wrestling fan feel free to avoid.

Long before he revolutionized the world of Sports Entertainment as the middle-finger sticking, beer guzzling, 'What' yelling, Rattlesnake of the WWF, even long before his semi-fame as a member of the Dangerous Alliance and Hollywood Blondes in WCW, Steve Williams was 'Stunning' Steve Austin, a hot rookie in the legendary WCCW/USWA promotion based out of Dallas, Texas. This bargain priced DVD chronicles 5 of his matches out of his rookie year in the USWA.

Here are the contents of this DVD:

THE MATCHES

1.Eric Embry and Steve Austin w/ Tojo Yamamoto vs. 'Gorgeous' Gary Young and 'Superstar' Bill Dundee: Embry was THE top star of the USWA in the late 80's and early 90's. Young and Dundee were stars out of the Memphis territory (which merged with World Class to form the USWA). This is a good old-school tag match. The match itself gets off to a slow start but totally picks up toward the middle to a really hot finish. Notable thing about this match: Dr. Tom Pritchard, currently a WWF official, was doing color commentary for this match. One of his quotes (paraphrased), 'I'm very impressed with this rookie Austin. He'll be big one day.' I don't think even Pritchard had any idea' 12 minutes. My rating: 3 ½ stars.

2.Austin w/ Jeanie Clark vs. 'Big' Al Clinton: Clark was Austin's valet at the time and was in fact his wife. Clinton (WHO???) is this REALLY big, flabby, fat guy who was the jobber of the day for Austin. This is a basic jobber squash for Austin notable for a few things: 1 - Austin delivers some pretty mean lip to Clinton showing some of that Rattlesnake thrash-talking a good 7 years before hand, 2 ' Austin delivers a 'Superfly' splash!!! (???) and 3 ' in typical heel fashion, Jeanie gets some post-match shots in on Clinton. 4 minutes. 2 stars.

3.'Missouri Tiger' Jeff Gaylord, Sheik Braddock and Austin w/General Skandor Akbar vs. 'Gentleman' Chris Adams, 'Maniac' Matt Borne and Eric Embry: Gaylord and Braddock were two USWA workers. Akbar was a top heel manager in the territory for YEARS. Adams, who passed away in 2001, was a legendary top talent in Texas for almost two decades and was in fact Austin's trainer. Borne was a prolific worker throughout the South and had a stint in WCW as Big Josh. He is probably best known though as the original Doink the Clown in the WWF. This was a solid match with tons of nice spots and great action. The crowd was very hot for this one. 12 minutes. 3 stars.

4.Austin w/ Jeanie vs. Jimmy James: Another jobber squash for Austin. Decent spots. 3 minutes. 2 stars.

5.Austin and Percy Pringle III vs. Chris Von Erich and Chris Adams: Pringle was a heel manager in the USWA and throughout the South. He is best-known as WWF/Undertaker manager Paul Bearer. The late Chris Von Erich was the youngest and smallest of the legendary Von Erich wrestling brothers. Unfortunately his limited size and health did not allow him to excel as his brothers did and that led him to suicide shortly afterward. This match was a payoff match to a feud between Pringle and Von Erich and the crowd was HOT for this match. Tons of comedy spots with Von Erich and Pringle. Austin's top feud in the USWA was in fact with Adams where they did a 'student vs. teacher' angle. Austin and Adams did most of the work here. All in all, not a great match, but very fun and entertaining. 10 minutes. 3 ½ stars.

THE DVD Extras

The extras on the DVD are somewhat laughable. Included on this DVD (and the other 4 in this series) are:

1.A slide show of stills from various matches in this series.

2.A trivia quiz on Austin and the matches featured on this DVD.

In other words, the extras are all right for a look but otherwise are throwaways'

THE VERDICT:

Overall, at [the] cover price, this DVD is actually quite the bargain. The matches and extras are a little sparse, but they are golden for wrestling nostalgists. The matches themselves, while not overly great, aren't that bad. The tag matches on this volume in particular are quite entertaining.

This DVD is definitely must viewing for Stone Cold fans/enthusiasts/completists. Fans of the WCCW/USWA circa '89/'90 will also appreciate this DVD.

This is definitely a rental if you are looking strictly for the action. The action is passable but not a must-see. The true value in this is for collectors, particularly Austin fans or USWA (Embry, Adams, etc) fans. It's a great look at the genesis of the career of one of Sports Entertainment's most influential stars.

Recommended.

It's no classic, but Karloff fans will like this "B" picture full of twists and turns as you try to figure out just who's the good guy and who's the bad guy.

Best of all it's short and to the point. A virtue that Hollywood seems to be lacking these days.

Set during the last part of World War I, this spy thriller begins with the frustrations of the British military over the way the Germans seem to know their next move before they even do. It's obvious there is a spy or leak somewhere that needs to be stopped if they are to have any success in the War. Boris Karloff and Margaret Lindsay enter into the picture. Individually or together, they could be British agents, German agents, or double agents, and the true identity of each is revealed at the climax. The two spies test each other throughout the film as a plot to kill the British cabinet begins to unfold. The film moves along briskly, with a running time of around an hour. I have to admit that I was occasionally confused by the plot, although by the film's final moments I had figured it all out. Karloff, limping and with a scar, is good as the more sinister (naturally) of the two agents, while Lindsay does a competent job as his female counterpart. The last few minutes are devoted to rallying the public at the outset of World War Two when this was produced, with a poorly concealed speech about Hitler. It's definitely heavy handed, yet it is fun to watch as a sign of the time. Judging by the running time, the cast involved, and the production, this film was obviously intended as a 'B' picture, and as a modest little programmer, it succeeds fairly well. Those expecting a bigger scale production will be disappointed.

"British Intelligence" is set during World War I, when Helene von Lorbeer (Margaret Lindsay), a nurse in a French hospital, assumes the role of a German spy and is sent to England to obtain information about a secret British offensive. Helene is set up as a guest in the household of Arthur Bennett (Holmes Herbert), a key British war official, where the butler Valdar (Boris Karloff), is also a German spy. Helene's real mission is to learn the identity of Schiller, the mastermind fo the German spy system in England. This 1940 film, directed by Terry Morse, is based on Anthony Paul Kelly's play "Three Faces East," which had been filmed in 1926 with Clive Brook and Jetta Goudal and then again in 1930 with Eric von Stroheim and Constance Bennett. Of course Karloff has to wear a unnecessary wound on his face, supposedly from a bayonet, and walks with a limp. But actually this is a decent spy thriller, even if the true identity of "Schiller" is obvious from the opening credits. Although explicitly about the First World War, there are several veiled but obvious references to Hitler and what is happening in Europe in 1940.

I am in the video store and i see this title. On the cover, theres a ship, earth and a cryptic phrase reading 'where nightmares come from' and beside this ominous warning, a terrifying specimen of alien! Naturally, i had to rent this serving of corn cob. Within 5 minutes, i was laughing harder than i had in years, hence the second star instead of just one.
Talk about letting the dogs out! This movie is a genuine bowser!
It starts off with a spaceship moving thru space that looked so cheesy, i thought mothra or king ghidora was going to fly up next to it! Inside the ship, blinking lights and panels (ala the original Lost in Space Tv series) start going bezerk. Something is attacking the ship! "Spores!" cries out the pilot (who deserved the academy turkey award he most certainly has on the mantle). He crashes to earth, grows a few feet and walks around with a black garbage bag on his head. And he growls. And he pokes people with his tongue.
Trust me, this is funnier than it sounds. There was more dairy in this film than a wisconsin cheese factory. The plot is a mess of many different films. Alien, The incredible melting man and lifeforce come to mind. Mind you, all of those were real movies (and i say that kind of loosly with melting man).

the red stuff is missing from this one. A few splatters on a tree and some morphed corpses are about all we get here. Theres a few scenes with the obligatory nudity, and one of the lasses is actually fairly easy on the eyes. But alas, it takes more than a pair of chest pillows to save this one.

2 stars.

Director Steven Latshaw (Jack-O, Bio-Hazard) takes us on a rollercoaster of terror, action, and high octane fun. Well, actually, no he doesn't. But if you like bad B-movies than you can't pass up this one. Those of you who liked Jack-O (Latshaw's masterpiece) will love Dark Universe.

I was very disappointed with Expert Weapon.Sam Jones was great in Flash Gordon but in this movie well i think he should have left it alone.The acting and fighting scenes were so stupidly made,it was like as if a actor was standing there waiting to be hit.This is the type of film that reminded me of the early '80's low and cheap. Please do not waste your money on a low budget film like this.Rent it or look for a diffrent type of action film.

Action Star Ian Jacklin stars along with Flash Gordon's Sam J Jones, Judy Landers and Joe Estevez. This film is NOT available in Canada. If you have questions please call the films producer and distributor at 1-800-906-4749. ~Screen Pix Home Video

The first hour of this film is a pretty laboured comedy. The last 20 minutes is a low-budget gunbattle of the first order. It's a primer on quick cutting and camera placement and worth seeing just to cop the editor's chops. (VHS copy reviewed.)

if you are a big fan of these movies and dont already own them on VHS then grab them, otherwise there is nothing to really entice you towards the DVD releases.

One has to ask when Burt Reynolds is going to hang up his acting shoes, after seeing this, having seen better performances from him of late in the Vision Express commercials. This is TV movie material through and through, and promises much in the way of steamy sex, intrigue and betrayal (should you believe the trailer, and cover sleeve) but is actually little more than bland throughout. Reynolds plays a New Orleans millionaire (with questionable connections) whose young attractive wife (played in sultry fashion by Saffron Burrows) is a constant worry to him, on the grounds of what he sees as her eventual, and inevitable infidelity. Not wanting to wait for this to just happen he offers a young hunk $50,000 to seduce the aforementioned Ms Burrows to "test" her love for her husband. As the wafer thin plot lumbers on, we are treated to a somewhat gratuitous over the table seduction scene, which is then consolidated sometime later by a more "tender" but equally lame staircase episode. The upshot of all of this is that our young stud refuses to do the job for the money , but then finds himself falling for the married woman and can't help himself. This of course unleases the wrath of the now extremely ticked off Mr Reynolds (I mean what did he expect?) who then becomes ... bent on dishing out retribution to the pair of them. What should then have been well set up into a good thriller with the opportunity for several twists and turns, is predictable and the movie goes down from this point at about the same speed as the Titanic. This movie really tries to be a solid psychological thriller, with an adult theme but suffers badly from a weak script, thin storyline and fairly average performances. I kept asking myself, as I'm sure most viewers will WHAT would have happened if Reynolds had left "well enough alone" as his young wife doesn't really shout out for an affair, but that's a moot point I guess. It is not overly BAD, but it isn't that good either. I got the feeling that Reynolds was simply going through the motions to get a paycheck, and Ms Burrows was far more polished and believable in Deep Blue Sea. All this being said, there's a fair amount of material here to keep most people happy who enjoy 10pm movies on the Mystery channel, but don't get your hopes up too high.

"Tempted" is notable mostly for the presence of Saffron Burrows as the trophy wife of a New Orleans construction mogul (Burt Reynolds). Burrows cuts the figure of a Greek sculpture; she's a prize all right, but no regular Southern Belle.

The made-for-cable flick has one of those dirty pleasure plots: For reasons unknown, Reynolds' character is certain that Lilly (Burrows) means to cheat on him, so he hires a hunky handyman (Peter Facinelli) to seduce her. We wouldn't have a movie if the seduction wasn't successful. Double crosses and boiled over passions fill the rest of the running time. Burt hangs around for half the movie ...

Everybody's just making some bones on this one, but it's nice to see Burrows turn up in something a little less esoteric. Burt's Burt, and ... if I don't like the way he whispers half his lines like he has a voice to protect. The camerawork is functional, even if it looks like all the blood's been [taken] out of the print.

"Tempted" is a bit muted for a guilty pleasure. You can probably chalk that up to Burrows, who tries a little too hard to earn her paycheck. Facinelli has the right idea -- his half-assed performance not only saves his energy but makes his handyman a convincing dullard.

I am a guy who liked this movie and I think that Peter Facinelli is hot. The kitchen scene was the best. Burt Reynolds stars as Saffron Burrows' husband who tempts Peter to have an affair with her, so he does. As the movie goes on it gets more twisted and also has appearances by Mike Starr (Dumb And Dumber, "Gas Man") and Eric Mabius (Crow, Cruel Intentions, Resident Evil). Overall, good movie and okay DVD too bad it did not have a widescreen version.

The Best of Survivor Series could have been so much better but it wasn't. Reason, [poor] picks from more or less the same era of the WWF(E). Honestly, number one reason for me, I would've traded anything to do with the Bam Bam/Goldust match.

That and Survivor Series is all about the Survivor Matches. Granted yes there have been some memorable singles matches at Survivor Series but even so, the good ones weren't used and the most important one of all time (Hart vs Michaels, "Bret gets screwed") was basically swept underneth a rug. Dumb and [poor].

I can think of atleast 5 matches that should have been on this DVD like, the first all woman Survivor Series match at the 1st ever Survivor Series, the 20 Man Tag Team Survivor match that had legendary names in it like the Bulsheviks, Strike Force, the Killer Bees and Even Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake. The 4 Doinks vs Bam Bam Bigelow's team, another hilarious match and a very good match as well. The Hart and Michaels match in FULL LENGTH! And of my all time favorites, the Return of Jimmy Superfly Snuka in 95 (or 96?).

Again, could have been better. I'd skip this one and wait till a better one comes out.

Well McMahon and who ever made this DVD really screwed up it, wheater it was the fact that WWF was changing Video staff from Coliseum Video to Koch or Just McMahon doesn't want to recoginze some of the Surivior Series Events I don't know.

What I do know is this is a very sloppy made DVD, featuring some matches from each year, some not very interesting or inportant ones which is was I care about, I would expect WWF videos areounf this time to be sloppy

What bother's me is it's suppose to Best of Survivor Series 1987-1997 even though the tape fails to even show clips from the 1988 or 1992 editions of Surivior Series, both of Which had some good matches. I would have like to have seen 20-man eliminatation Survivor Series from 1988 or Shawn vs. Bret from 1992, but no.

Instead This video has CLIPS(keyword) of the following matches...
- Hulk's team vs. Andre's team (1987)
- Warrior's team vs. Heenan's team (1989)
- Million $ Man's team vs. Dusty's team (1990)
- Hulk vs. Undertaker (1991)
- Hart's vs. Michael's team (1993)
- Bret vs. Backlund (1994)
- Undertaker vs. Yokozuna (1994)
- Bigelow vs. Goldust (1995)
- Austin vs Bret (1996)
- Mankind vs. Undertaker (1996)
- Mankind vs. Kane (1997)
- Owen vs. Austin (1997)
- Bret vs. Shawn in the famous Montreal Screw Job (1997) and at the end has McMahom tell his BS story about it

They missed some other important matches from past Survivor Series and put some mediocre one in instead, another thing that bothered me was that it only showed clips and not the full matches

Not Recommended

this was a terrible video to watch.best of wrestlemania was better than this.best of survivor series could have been better.psycho sid vs shawn micheals isnt even on the video.they forgot survivor series 92'.the hulk hogamn vs undertaker was a good match.but all they showed was taker beating hulk hogan.and the bret hart vs stone cold showed stone cold beating up bret hart as if he won the match but he actually lost.it was a disaPOniting video dont buy it.

And that just might be an understatement. If there was any way of rating this movie 0 stars, I would have... Here's the story in a nuttshell... The alliens took over the world (naturally). About 50 alliens (that's how many I've counted) run the earth, and exploit it. A bunch of postapocalyptic cavemen who managed to survive for a thousand years on a polluted planet decide that they've had enough. So they wipe the dust off 1000 years old airplanes, and kick some allien butt, destrying the alliens' home planet while they're at it... I'm really disappointed that Forrest Whitaker accepted a role in this film... For the most part of the movie I wasn't too sure whether I was watching SF or a parody... If you prefer the latter, might I suggest the "Spaceballs"? :))

Based on a portion of the L. Ron Hubbard sci-fi pulp bestseller, BATTLEFIELD EARTH presents the story of earth some one thousand years after it has been colonized by invaders from outer space, who seek to rob the earth of its precious metals. The human race has been almost eliminated: most have been exterminated, a few have been kept for slave labor, and a handful survive in pockets of tribal communities. When one member of a tribal society (Barry Pepper) is captured for slave labor, a combination of circumstance and personal heroism provide him with the opportunity to lead a revolt.

All that sounds very well, but there are three things wrong with the movie: John Travolta, the script, and everything else. Travolta's work has always been up and down, sometimes great and sometimes truly dire, but his appearance here as the evil invader Terl is easily the single worst performance he has given in his entire career. No matter how you look at the thing, Travolta is as much like a bad guy from outer space as banana pudding--and really, I do believe that any self-respecting dish of banana pudding could have done a better job.

As for the script, it's really one of the strangest things I've ever heard. In scenes with the aliens (called Psychlos), the dialogue actually sounds rather like a bad parody of a Noel Coward drawing-room farce. The dialogue for the humans is equally absurd, playing out like a cross between BRAVEHEART and the more uninspired pages of a Barbara Cartland novel. And while I'm willing to suspend disbelief to a certain extent, the plot has zero plausibility--even to the point of insulting viewer intelligence.

As for everything else, to give the film its due there are occasional design ideas and shots that seem interesting--but they are buried under a ton of very bad ideas that have been very badly executed. The costume and make-up designs for the Psychlos look rather like bad drag at a leather bar for the fashion-challenged, the lovely braids of our hero and his tribe seem to have been lifted from Malibu Barbie, and all the big-scale special effects are very obviously miniatures. Now, I wouldn't go so far as to say that I'd gouge my eyes out with a kitchen spoon before I'd sit through this debacle again, but I will say this much: someone would have to pay me, and even then I'd demand a remote control with a fast-forward feature.

As for the DVD package, the transfer is okay--but I did notice that the soundtrack was noticeably off for several minutes of the film, and oddly (and typically) I wasn't entirely sure if this was a flaw in the DVD or if the director/producers actually intended it to be that way! There are also several short documentaries, all of them very repetitive and very ironically self-congratulatory about what a great film BATTLEFIELD EARTH is. As for the audio commentary track, I really couldn't be bothered to sit through the movie a second time to listen to it. My recommendation? Well, if you're like me and you just have to see the film to find out if it's really as bad every one says it is... go ahead. But for all others, just trust me on this one, okay?

GFT, Amazon Reviewer

Three parts Scientology + 1 part John Travolta in a Predator costume + 1 part 'Project X' - 1 part that stinky Matthew Broderick = CINEMATIC GOLD