Austin Movie Reviews

This is the movie in which Mae West finally lost her battle with the censors. Constantly pushing the envelope, she wrote a script about a whore disguised as a missionary. They cut it to ribbons, and this rather pointless melodrama is the result. Throughout the film, Mae rolls her eyes in silent frustration, and is finally forced to utter some pathetic shopworn sentiment at the end. It was 34 years before she could be herself on screen again -- as the lusty talent agent in "Myra Breckenridge," sashaying into her office with the words "all right boys, get out your resumes."

Yep, that's the title of the opening song sung by Mae in her San Francisco revue. But the oriental mood must've been before the cameras starting rolling, because now Mae's tired of being kept by her Chinese lover--hey, no wonder this thing had to be censored, that's far too disturbing for 1930s Middle America. Well before long, Mae's weighing anchor on a ship bound for the Klondike and captained by lovesick Victor McLaglen. Certain circumstances cause Mae to have to pass herself off as a missionary once she lands in the Klondike, with the result being one heck of a sermon before the drunken miners and dance hall gals. She's something else again, that Mae!

West stars as a woman on the lam for a murder (self-defence) who heads out for the Yukon on McLaglen's ship. He falls in love with her, finds out her problems and helps to pass her off as the missionary Annie Alden (who died on board ).Some find West as a missionary (saving souls in her risque way) as tasteless; others find her hilarious-it all depends on what tickles your fancy. The story is refreshing yet unfortunately, the script was laundered to please the censors and there was much cut from the original shooting script.

Roger Moore returns as Simon Templar, alias "The Saint" in the sixth boxed DVD set of his exploits. Templar, the suave "Robin Hood of Modern Crime" is featured in seven more adventures from the 60's TV series. Here are summaries and/or comments for the episodes in this set. Episode ratings are on a scale from one to five (best).

Volume 11: (Disc 1)

The Time To Die - Episode 105: Rating (2)
The Saint, a man with his share of enemies, finds his life threatened by an unidentified source. With the help of a female reporter, Simon attempts to get to the bottom of things. Mediocre writing produces an uneven story that fails to sustain suspense.

The Master Plan - Episode 106: Rating (5)
Cord Thrandel is a nightclub owner, and big time dealer in narcotics. Tony Lane, a courier for Thrandel, wants out of the drug racket, and has dropped out of circulation. Simon Templar, and Lane's sister Jean, while searching for Tony run afoul of Thrandel and his gang. Burt Kwouk guests as an Asian drug king in this tension filled tale that captures the flavor of a traditional Saint adventure.

The House On Dragon's Rock - Episode 107: Rating (2)
Set in Whales, this plays like bad science fiction. Strange happenings in the countryside has the locals spooked. Simon is called by a friend to help, and begins investigating a mad scientist type, at work in an isolated laboratory. This fantasy is hard to swallow, and the production and special effects are rather poor. This story was filmed in a previous season and aired latter, hence it has the old theme music. Also, the writer of the episode is wrongfully credited on the box.

Volume 12: (Disc 2)

The Scales Of Justice - Episode 108: Rating (5)
Five executives at the same company have unexpectedly died within a few months time. The fifth, a friend of the Saint, drops dead while trying to enlist Simon's aid. Determined to find the truth, and bring the guilty to justice the Saint investigates with a vengeance. The tension mounts, as the surviving directors are threatened with a sudden and unexpected death. Guest star Jean Marsh is a step ahead of the Saint, in this realistic and suspenseful tale that features an ingenious murder weapon. Watch for Moore's energetic double in this episode.

The Fiction Makers (Parts 1 and 2) - Episodes 109 and 110: Rating (3)
This two-part adventure, packaged as a full-length feature, has a light comedic tone that fails to produce any real feeling of suspense or danger, until perhaps the very end. This is the "Disney" version of the Saint. Simon Templar is mistaken for a famous author, and is kidnapped by a band of crooks who want his help in carrying out their criminal scheme. There is probably no other Saint story in the entire series that is played strictly for laughs, the way this is. Roger Moore and costar Sylvia Syms, jump thorough a ridiculous set of hoops, and ham it up, in this cartoonish adventure. While entertaining on some level, a story like this tarnishes the image of the character,

The People Importers - Episode 111: Rating (4)
An unscrupulous band is running illegal aliens into England. When things go wrong, one of aliens turns up dead, ruining the Saint's fishing outing. Templar is then on the case searching for the killers, and trying to save the lives of some of the remaining illegal immigrants. A tense adventure, with the Saint matching up against a ruthless gang of criminals.

The Saint Set 6 contains some excellent episodes, and also some poor ones. On balance the positives outweigh the negatives. If you're a collector you will probably want this set, otherwise you may wish to consider The Saint Set 3 or 5 first. As usual, look for Roger Moore's double in most second unit (location) shots.

One note about the episode numbers. Though there are a few different listings for the program, the listing used is one that most closely matches the "broadcast order" sequence that A&E is issuing them in. Episodes were not always released in the order they were produced or filmed. Fans of the Saint, are invited to view my other reviews of the series and a separate review of "The Fiction Makers".

I was actually thrilled that the version of The Fiction Makers on this set was the compiled feature version. I love this feature version and think the score and the title sequence help make it among the very best of Moore's Saint adventures. A nice change of pace and i hope they do the same when they issue Vendetta For The Saint.

Another decent set from A&E, but despite the packaging offering "seven complete, uncut...color episodes", the two-part story THE FICTION MAKERS is presented here as the compliled film version - what a pity...

I've seen most of the 1st 2 seasons and some of 3 and 4.
I saw seance for the 1st time the other week and thought it was really well done and a great performance by Jaclyn Smith.

When these shows first came out, I was eleven years old. I really didn't get a chance to see much of this first season when it ran in 1976, but I knew all about the three women who were the Angels thanks to tons of magazine coverage. The show was a phenomenom. Everybody had the Farrah poster!

Jump to today. This set is a very nice, complete view of season 1 (the only season Farrah was on the show). It includes the pilot and 22 episodes. Some are good and hold up with time. A couple are clinkers. But, the sound and video reproduction are good and it is easy to see why everyone was so spellbound by the show - Kate, Farrah and Jackelyn were stunning.

The main reason to watch this flick is if you have a thing for gay male porno star of yesteryear, Tom Steele. The leading guy looks just like him. You see a lot less of this guy, if you catch my drift, but it's cute and watchable in a nostalgia kind of way if you remember seeing it on cable 20 years ago.

See Bobby (Matt Lattanzi). See Bobby flunk French. Flunk, Bobby, flunk. See Bobby's dad (Kevin McCarthy). See Bobby's dad hire a tutor (Caren Kaye) to French Bobby during the summer. No, wait, I mean to teach Bobby French. "My Tutor" is a 1983 example of the teensploitation genre that kept USA's late night movie show "Up All Night" in business for years. It is a good thing Bobby's tutor likes to take advantage of the family pool late at night and take bikini breaks during class, because it gives us an excuse to ignore the leading man, who has zero charisma to go along with his low test scores. At least he looks old enough that your mind is not distracted by legal complications arising from their interaction. However, in a limited defense of this film it should be pointed out that the "love scenes" are taken seriously, avoiding the raunchy comedy that derails most of these films, so while "My Tutor" is bad it does not descend to the level of being truly awful. You just have to bite the bullet and treat the storyline seriously. Crispin Glover plays Bobby's best friend and serves as a reminder that some actors get out of these low-grade B-movies alive despite scenes that should have inspired them to buy every copy of this tape available in the world and have them destroyed. However, when the cutest girl in the film (Kitten Natividad) is just dropping by for a cameo, that is not a good sign. Otherwise, this is your basic arrested male adolescent sexual fantasy film, which is all you really need to know to decide if you want to spend 90-minutes of your life sitting through "My Tutor." All I can say is that I hope those who insist bad movies be reviewed to achieve a sense of balance are happy now.

Totally natural/realistic romance story in sharp contrast, sometimes indeed opposite, to current porn movies (where all characters behave almost totally like machines) and current romance novels (whose reading is almost always boring).

Jack Lyons is a successful pilot who dies when his plane explodes in midair. His widow, Kathryn, is left with bittersweet memories and endless questions. In addition, she finds that government officials suspect him of causing the disaster. Kathryn begins unveiling Jack's secret life.
The acting is very well done, especially by Christine Lahti as the despondent Kathryn Lyons. The plot has such potential.
Yet, "The Pilot's Wife" failed to hold my interest. I didn't doze off, but I also didn't root for any of the characters or feel satisfied when the credits began rolling.
The scenery doesn't help much. This is a very dark movie - literally. How can I be concerned with what's going on when every scene is so darn bleak? Granted, the story isn't particularly lighthearted, but can't we get some color into this movie??
This movie is just not enjoyable, and that's all there is to it.

A commercial jetliner explodes off the English coast, killing all on board. The recovered voice recorder indicates a struggle in the cockpit just before the crash. It appears that the pilot may have smuggled a bomb onto the plane and detonated it, causing the tragedy.

Christine Lahti stars as the wife that learns life-shattering truths about her late husband (John Heard seen in flashbacks). Campbell Scott is featured as union representative that comes to Lahti to provide support. All three are believable in their respective roles.

A taut script, good performances, interesting cinematography, and a evocative score make this 2001 production an above average TV movie.

It's no wonder that its initial 2001 airing was cancelled due to the events of September 11th.

There's "food for thought" here.

The Pilot's Wife is my all time favorite book. When I found the made for TV movie on DVD, I was both intrigued and skeptical. The book is both emotionally wrenching and touching at once. I had no idea if it could be pulled off in a movie, particularly a made for TV movie.

That said, I was almost entirely pleasantly surprised. The movie, for the most part, stays close to the story line in the book, although it doesn't follow the book precisely. Kathryn (Christine Lahti) learns at the beginning, that a plane piloted by her husband has gone down off the coast of Ireland. Campbell Scott is amazing as Robert Hart who, as a union representitive, is the bearer of the bad news.

In the days following the plane crash, Kathryn must not only deal with the grief and take care of her daughter (Alison Pill), but must come to terms with the fact that maybe she didn't know her husband as well as she thought. As lies and secrets are uncovered around her, Kathryn must figure out who Jack (her husband, played in flashbacks by John Heard) really was.

All in all, this is an excellent movie and I really enjoyed it. My only complaint though (and it's a big one, to me anyway) is that the end takes a huge detour from the book. Due to [Amazon.com's] spoiler rules and the fact that I don't want to ruin the ending for those who haven't seen it, I won't elaborate more than that. Suffice to say the ending for the movie was a huge disappointment. My only solace in the ending is that the movie covers a much shorter time period than the book, and thus I consoled myself by thinking that maybe the movie just hadn't gotten as far as the book. This movie still ranks 5 stars because it is so well done and does pack an emotional impact that is at least comparable to the book. My only real complaint is the ending.

All in all though, this is an excellent movie and I recommend it without reservations.

Now in the action or drama genres an aweful movie can be saved by either having good action or, in the case of the king's guard, by being so stupid its hilarious. However in comedy a film must be funny to be good otherwise we (duh) have lost any reason we had to watch it in the first place. Ping is exactly like that. It's suffers from a horrible screenplay, a fact that dosen't help the wooden acting at all, and an absolutely ridiculous story. to sum it up in the most complicated way possible, a really tiny dog defends his owner's home from a pair of theives. Thats about it, there are a couple subplots but they're so sloppily executed that it is pretty hard to figure out exactly what they are. anyway the film moves at a crawl and features a cast of bad and very very forgetable actors, and a dog that , I will confess, is rather adorable. In short Ping delivers no laughs and copies off of every PG rated family comedy ever made.

screenplay 0/10
acting 0/10
Direction 0/10
story 1/10

characters 2/10

if you like home alone/homeward bound type of movies then you gotta watch this. Not only is this dog cute but he is also very funny!!Lassie eat you heart out!

All the moxy of the Chihuahua breed is evident in Ping! For anyone who loves the tiny dogs (or just dogs in general), this is a must-see! His pixie-like antics and expressive little face will steal your heart as he thwarts the efforts of the bad guys. This is a great family movie, very entertaining and appropriate for all ages.

As a deep and true Auel fan, I was embarrassed for the movie, even, as they say, for a part played by Darryl Hannah. How do you *do* a movie like this effectively? Hollywood, I have to give you credit for trying, but I vote that it didn't hold a candle to the book. Still trying to get her latest novel! Thanks, Tom, from a tall blonde! How hysterical!

As so often happens with screen adaptations of books this one is a real loser. From start to finish the writers/producers seem to have taken the general plot outline and characters and dropped most of the actual story.
It will do all right as a way to spend an afternoon if you haven't read the book (at this writing the paperback is $2 cheaper)but too much is so unlike what Ms. Auel wrote. I know that lot's of detail had to be removed for times sake but at what cost to the story? Little Ayla's orphaning resembles the book as does her discovery by the Clan but the way the Neanderthals behave isn't like the book. I don't even remember all of the scenes but when Ayla gives birth to her son Durc, that's conpletely different, although good. Later in the story when Ayla's adoptive mother Iza (Pamela Reed unrocognizable in makeup)is too old and frail to go to the CLan Gathering Ayla is sent in her place, they made a real mess of that one.
Daryl Hannah is very well cast as the adult Ayla, she's the best reason to watch ths movie.

Okay, I've got to say that this movie is not nearly as good as the book, but that is, as we all know, a common phenomenon. The book by Jean M. Auel, on which this movie is based, is several hundred pages long and contains detailed accounts of everything from plant life to the intricacies of the interpersonal relationships of this fictitious group of Neanderthals. You cannot boil all this down to a movie that isn't even two hours long, and expect the same kind of story. However, I found this movie both moving, and surprisingly convincing, as far as the make-up is concerned. Sure, you can't take a modern person and remove their chins and flatten their foreheads, but considering that radical surgery wasn't an option, the make-up people did a very nice job.

All in all, this is not one of those movies which will be a classic for generations to come, but I will definitely credit it (and the book) with adding to my own life-long interest in prehistoric humans in general, and the Neanderthals in particular. It is important to keep in mind that this is very much a work of fiction, but considering how little is known about this period in human prehistory, a little poetic license is warranted.

Let me first say that Mr. Carvey is absolutely hilarious. On SNL. I was shocked to see that he has made such a horribly unplotted, thrown-together-in-a-few-days, and especially unfunny movie.

First of all, instead of just saying "Worst movie ever" and clicking "Send", I'd like to point out why I'm stating my opinion. I noticed a previous reviewer used the words, "The film offers something for everyone: a superhero who does not need excess violence..., a heartwarming love story..., and literary aspects to accent a hilarious script that the whole family can enjoy..." Well, if you can even catch the movie as it plays (the film is over faster than you can say "This sucks!" and tries to compensate with 5 mintues of an intro of a book flipping the cast's names and 20 minutes of the end credits and a midget chasing Pistacio) you'll notice that there is actually NO trace of love interest (he just marries his assistant at the endfor some reason), heroism, or a humorous script. Dana must have said one day, "Hey, I wanna get rich like Myers. Let's do a movie that I can milk from toys and crap." You get a sense that the whole thing was improvised from beginning to end, and you're left wanting your money back.

In conclusion, the kids will probably like it. But what happens when they get older and wonder, "Was I on pot? Why did I like this movie?"

There are a lot of people who think that Dana Carvey is washed up. For them, THE MASTER OF DISGUISE has cemented that fact. After all, THE MASTER OF DISGUISE is not a great movie. In fact from a cynical, adult perspect many would say that it is a terrible movie. However, THE MASTER OF DISGUISE wasn't made for cynical adults. It was made for the youth of America. Sure there are references that only those over 18 will get (e.g. the allusions to The Sopranos), but those were thrown in to appease parents who would be watching this film with their children. Therefore, THE MASTER OF DISGUISE is brilliant work.

Brilliant? Brilliant? Yes, brilliant. Dana Carvey has made a movie that has made him an icon for a whole new generation of Americans. The popularity of this movie among youth is astounding; I haven't heard so much buzz with the youth of America since HOLES (the book, not the movie) came out. Kids all across the country are quoting this movie. Even though many adults have not allowed themselves to enjoy the movie, lines from THE MASTER OF DISGUISE will become a permanent part of the American lexicon. Even though the movie didn't do very well at the box office, based off the success of the video and how popular the movie is with youth I wouldn't doubt if a sequel will soon be in the works.

Based upon the usual technical aspects of filmmaking and the things that make a good movie, I wouldn't rate this movie above 3 stars. However, seeing how it has reintroduced me to the genius of Dana Carvey and the brilliant way that he has established his career for years to come, the movie gets 4 stars.

Finally, a break from the let's-make-money-so-don't depart-from-the-formula films for kids featuring super evil characters, fractured families, and redundant plots. Dana Carvey comes to the rescue! No worries here--completely succeeds for families and children (and it says so right on the box, folks, even a Canadian-G rating). It's not deep, but plenty of creative laughs. We only hope more movies like this are forthcoming and this venture doesn't get critiqued into submission. Carvey's legend grows.

THE LAWNMOWER MAN is an example of a movie that thinks it's better than it actually is. Dr. Lawrence Angelo (Pierce Brosnan), is working on a revolutionary type of virtual reality software, that he thinks will better mankind. After he fails to find success, working with animals, he finds his first human test subject. Jobe Smith (Jeff Fahey), a mentally disabled groundskeeper, who sees the tests as a game. However, the good doctor has enemies, who wish to use the technology and Jobe, to create an indestructable war machine. The film starts off with a pretty good premise, but after awhile, it seems as though the F/X are their to make us forget the plot. The director tries to make the film seem on the cutting edge, or visionary sci-fi, in doing so Brett Leonard fails to make things interesting. Brosnan seems like he is cursing his agent the whole for getting him this gig. Fahey seems to act in much the same fashion.

The commentary track has Leonard and co-producer and fellow screenwriter Gimel Everett, talk endlessly about how lucky they were to make this film (I'll say). The deleted scenes offer a better sense of the story. Too bad they were not incorporated into the movie. It might have made a difference. The storyboards, and other making of stuff don't seem like fun, if the movie isn't any good...Buyer Beware

I must admit it, I never watched The Lawnmower Man back in 1992. It wasn't untill I read reviews here that I bought it, interested to see what these 'stunning' visual effects are.

Of course, judging on a 10-year-old movie's visual effects isn't easy. But in my opinion, compared to its time visuals in Jurrasic Park, Terminator 2, Total Recall, etc.. it's nothing. Perhaps the problem is that there are TOO many visuals that it must have made them concentrate less in each scene.

The movie itself is only TRYING to do something. I felt that the director was trying to make the movie an icon in Science Fiction like '2001 : A Space Odyssey' and 'Blade Runner' but instead through artificial intelligence, through Virtual Reality. The movie revolves around the same idea of FRANKESTIEN, except that the cause of the transformation is VIRTUAL REALITY.

The movie even doesn't explain how virtual reality could achieve what the story is revolving around; increasing brain activity and unlocking humans deep potentials. All they do is put the person in Virtual Reality and through lots of images on him with a very fast speed, but is this logical?

As for the DVD itself: the video quality is fine. Of course, it's not comparable to Total Recall which was 2 years before it, but it's fairly good since this movie isn't a huge one to deserve much attention. The extras on the other side (it's double sided DVD; weird, the movie took 4.16GB on one side and the extras took 1.8GB on the other side) need no further explaination.

Most notably are the deleted scenes. Most of these scenes aren't extended scenes or scenes which explained more about the story. They're actually scenes that would've changed the story 180 degrees. Much like the alternate endings on some DVDs, except that some of these scenes provide alternate story...

As a cognitive scientist from Yale, I can say with certainty that the ideas expressed in this film are very real, and very ahead of their time. The virtual reality visuals in this movie are timeless. The acting is good, the sets are impressive, and the ideas are priceless. Enjoy the film, but don't dare watch its sequel (it is awful).

I have seen a lot of films, but this is definitely the worst. The content of this film almost made me ashamed to be gay, as it showed a real ugly side to a sick and twisted world of the film-makers fantasies. You couldn't even class this garbage as good porn.

This film is deeply disturbing. Besides being utterly revolting, this film also leaves the viewer contemplating suicide after being submitted to such utter depravity and lack of anything decent or worthy of flattery. What an utter waste of film. Don't waste your time or money.

Very strange movie not unlike the documentary "Sex/Life in L.A." with 'actor' Tony Ward as the common link.

Basically a film about a few days in the life of a street hustler (Ward) and some of his colleagues. Some of the scenes are quite strong especially the amputee bits!! (need I say more).

The 'acting' is interesting especially Bruce La Bruce who plays the camp researcher Juergen Anger.

Somewhere between a porn film and a film about porn.

In summary, I wouldn't advise buying but watch it if you get chance. You won't know whether to laugh, cry or ....!!