Squanto Movie Reviews


very good
The Con Artist

Viva El Santo!You see, there there are some types of foreign films that are instantly associated with their country of origin. For example, when one speaks of Hong Kong and instantly Kung Fu fighting and John Woo bullet extravaganzas spring to mind. Japan of course is the master of the Samurai film by Kurasawa and men in large rubber suits smashing toy tanks and model cities. While America, of course has the western and the Big Dumb Action Movie.
But what does one think of when the topic of global cinema turns to Mexico?
Mexico has Luchadores Enmascarados - the Mexican Wrestling movie. Wrestling in Mexico is huge, unbelievably huge - think Star Wars at the height of its power in the 1970's and you begin to get an idea of the scale we're talking here. Dozens of wrestlers have made their mark over the last 50 or so years: Neutron, Blue Demon, Mil Mascaras, Superzan and so on. However one name stands out as the superstar of Mexican wrestling - El Santo, the man in the silver mask.
Santo was king. He wrestled for more than 40 years (capturing over ten titles, including the NWA World Welterweight and Middleweight belts) and starred in over 50 Enmascarados movies. In that time he battled mummies, zombies, aliens, werewolves, vampires, mobsters, mad scientists, and international spy rings. Oh - and occasionally he'd wrestle.
You see, the Mexican wrestling movie is a very odd thing. The plots usually revolve around some Nefarious Evil Force (tm) plotting to take over the world. And much like how every alien invasion force in Doctor Who targeted England for their spearhead, our Nefarious Evil would inevitably start his plans in starting with Mexico! This of course would allow our masked hero to beat the living snot out of the bad guys, have the occasional Mariachi musical number, pad out the plot by 10 minutes with footage from a wrestling match and generally save the day. Not that all plots are like that, mind you - my favorite Santo movie involves our hero building a time machine to travel to the 18th century and wrestle Dracula and steal his gold treasure.
But as you can see, Luchadores Enmascarados is an acquired taste.
Our film in question today is a more modern film. After Santo's death in 1984 (where, much like Bella Lagosi, he was buried in his mask) the Enmascarado genre slowly petered out. There's been an occasional new Enmascarados film here and there - not that any of them made it north of the border aside from the occasional MST3K appearance - but for the most part, the genre was dead.
Enter El Hijo Del Santo - Son of Santo. Taking up his father's mantel and wearing the trademark silver mask, Santo Jr has been wrestling for years and has resurrected the Luchadores Enmascarados genre. This brings us to our topic of discussion for today: INFRATERRESTRE, or Infraterrestrial.
Our story begins millions and millions of years ago in a series of effects shots that surely must have blown the budget for the rest of the movie. Not that there was all that much in the coffers to begin with, mind you. A race of aliens have colonized Earth (or more specifically, Mexico), but were forced to move underground when a gigantic asteroid made the surface uninhabitable.
Fast forward, millions of years to present day Mexico City. A string of kidnappings from a gang of terminator knock-offs has the city in a grip of fear. Meanwhile Santo, deep in his Santo-Cave analyzes the video footage of his last match with Blue Panther. While discussing Panther's superhuman strength and skill (and the 4 Terminator goons that broke up the match) with his Super Computer, he receives a call for help from the police over his personal satellite called Silver-1. Heeding the call, Santo leaps into the Santo-Mobile (A sporty silver roadster that flies) and races to their aid.
Like I said, Santo is Batman but with flying scissors-kicks. The only thing missing was the red Hot-Line under a cake glass on Santo's desk and a bust of Shakespeare that hid the switch to the Santo-poles. He even gets a giant metallic "S" that zooms across the screen like out of the Adam West TV show. How cool is that?
Santo is summoned because of a young boy who saw his parents vaporized by a flying saucer of some kind. The police, having no luck reaching the catatonic youngster, call in the most qualified help available: A professional wrestler. Oh - and a child psychologist who is really there to provide a bit of leg inbetween the action scenes and a tentative love interest for our hero.
Santo arrives, dressed in his best mid-1980's Miami Vice wear (while wearing his mask, of course. Santo never takes off his mask, even in the privacy of his own home. You haven't lived until you see the surreal quality of a man, relaxing in his living room with the evening paper, wearing his wrestling mask and cape). Anyway, faster than you can say "Plot Point" the Blue Panther and his terminator hit squad show up and abduct the boy. A brief scuffle in the parking garage of the police station and the aliens get away in their flying saucer thing - Santo in hot pursuit in his flying roadster (Thus revealing the car's laser turrets - the Santomobile has everything!).
60 seconds of dogfight - boasting state of the art special effects . . . . from 1996 - and the aliens crash into the sewers. Seeing the need to action, Santo dons his regular tights and cape, assembles a team to accompany him, and heads out after the boy. So lets recap, shall we? We have a man in a mask, cape and knee high boots, a couple of plain clothes policemen, a child psychologist who looks like she's dressed for a night out on the town, the chief of police, and some sinister aliens wandering around what could be a upscale Doctor Who set doubling as a sewer.
My friends, life doesn't get better than this.
Our team wanders the sewers for a bit, eventually getting split up per the rules laid down in the Genre Movie Bible. Santo gets to show off his laser proof cape, beats the crap out of some denizens of the sewer, discovers the alien base (not all that deep under Mexico City, it would seem) and gets to square off with . . . . bum BUM BAH - the chief of police.
Normally here's where the Villain's Exposition Scene would go, where Goldfinger lays out in loving detail his plans to knock over Fort Knox or something. However, much like the rest of the movie - the villain's master plan doesn't make a bit of sense. At all - and believe me, I tried. It would seem that aside from a select splinter group, the aliens haven't figured out that the surface of the earth is not only habitable, but that the monkeys came down out of the trees and have spread over 9/10th of the planet. This splinter group has begun kidnapping some of these surface dwellers. Why? Some kind of experimentation, that is never really fully explained. The alien splinter group kidnapped the boy so to draw Santo off their scent - overlooking the little detail that they came straight back to the alien lair with the Man in the Silver Mask right behind them. The chief also tells them that the aliens have developed keen eyesight in the dark - fortunate for Santo, because he has the ability to summon a blinding light from the palm of his hand.
He does so, blinds the aliens and, he and his Psychologist/girlfriend make their getaway in a gondola looking device - Blue Panther in hot pursuit.
Blue Panther and Santo wrestle one more time. Despite the low budget flaws of the rest of the film, the movies does well the one thing that Mexican wrestling movies do: Wrestle. In this overblown WWF era of your Rocks and Hulk Hogans, it's a refreshing change to see two well honed athletes, with real wrestling skill in a real match. Well - if a real wrestling match involved throwing your opponent over a bottomless cliff that wasn't there ten seconds ago, that is.
Santo applies a figure four leglock to the police chief, the kidnapped victims are freed, the police round up all the Evil Aliens, and Santo declares that "Earth is big enough for two species" and vows to leave the aliens in blissfully unaware peace. We cut to the police chief in jail, eyes glowing their sinister best, swearing revenge on Santo for his interference - and finally, as the tradition with all Santo movies, the Masked Hero speeds off into the distance in his silver roadster.
Now, to the casual reader, one might assume that I hated this movie. I mean I did just spend the last 1,515 words tearing it apart. Not so my friends. You see, the whole genre as a whole is an absurd endeavor - which is 9/10th of its charm. In fact one of the biggest flaws of the film was that it didn't adhere to the formula, spending a large chunk of time showcasing a wrestling match, as the classic Santo movies of the 60's always did.
And given all it's flaws and the laughable special effects, for a low budget film it's pretty damn good. Believe me, I've seen much worse from seasoned veterans with more money to spend.


Classic Santo in Spanish with subtitles and DVD bonuses
Fine DVD showcases jaw-dropping high-camp masterpieceIf you're a long-time Santo fanatic, this disc is sure to be a thrill. VCI's DVD package, presented in association with Kit Parker films, includes numerous informative goodies for veteran Santo fans and newbies as well. There is a recent, approximately half-hour interview with El Hijo del Santo (Son of Santo); Mex movie trailer package (though most of them are non-horror/SF); illustrated biographies of both Santo and Wolf Ruvinskis that showcase numerous posters and lobby cards; a comprehensive Santo filmography; and a six-minute "commentary" (really an illustrated history of Santo's career) by Santo expert Prof. Juan Carlos Vargas. There is no feature-length audio commentary; VCI's promo is a bit misleading here. The appropriately odd bilingual menus are in 5.1 surround, so turn your speakers on when booting the disc to hear some of the movie's wacky sound effects pinging around the room. Even with all the nice extras, what really makes this such a terrific disc is the absolutely pristine state of the source elements, sure to bring tears to the eyes of long-time fans of Mexican horror used to shoddy 16mm TV prints and dupey VHS copies. The print is letterboxed at 1.66:1 and the brightness, grayscale, sharpness, and detail are simply terrific. The black level could perhaps be a bit darker, a very minor quibble. It looks pretty gorgeous overall, virtually blemish- and speckle-free. Audio is clear and full, in Spanish mono only with optional English subtitles (that are very readable but a bit distracting at times). Apparently this is the beginning of a whole series of VCI releases of classic Mexican cinema. Hopefully Santo vs. the Vampire Women, Santo in the Wax Museum, Invasion of the Zombies, and the related 'Luchadoras' series are in the pipeline.
Santo Lives
On the murder menu: death by amputation, dismemberment by horses (one per limb), crushing by boulder, and, the most unsettling (or creative?), death by barrel rolling... with flesh-ripping nails in the sides. Tame by later standards yet still absurdly shocking, Two Thousand Maniacs! is the pure, funny-freaky essence of exploitation cinema, complete with the obligatory Playboy Playmate (Connie Mason) in the cast. Lewis (a former literature professor, no less) frequently cited this as his proudest achievement, and who's going to argue? With its crude direction, atrocious acting, and delirious redneck flavor, the movie genuinely deserves its place in cinema history, its dubious entertainment value proving surprisingly durable through the decades. A milestone of movie bloodletting, it was followed, appropriately enough, by Color Me Blood Red in 1965. --Jeff Shannon

An Amazing DVD for an Audacious FilmmakerHaving just told you about the gore in his films, "Two Thousand Maniacs" is not the goriest H.G. Lewis film; in fact, it isn't even close. For the ultimate in Lewis gore you need to watch "The Wizard of Gore" or his latest film, "Blood Feast 2: All U Can Eat." Those films are truly revolting in their grim depictions of onscreen carnage. No, "Two Thousand Maniacs" is a subtler Lewis at work. There are still numerous scenes of bloody violence throughout the film, most noticeably some nasty hatchet work, a drawing and quartering, a rock crushing, and a barrel rolling "contest" that looks amazingly, painfully realistic (a degree of realism being a first for Lewis). But the violence takes a backseat to the story, as well as to the brain numbing dramatic skills of Playboy model Connie Mason. I quickly discovered that if you can survive watching Connie Mason, you could make it through anything life throws at you. The rest of the cast isn't much better, but compared to Mason's theatrical dexterity they look like graduates of the Royal Shakespearean Theater.
"Two Thousand Maniacs" is the story of a little southern town named Pleasant Valley and its centennial celebration. In order to appreciate fully the festivities, the townspeople lure in two carloads of Yankees with trick road signs. This is the first indication that something fishy is going on, although the travelers have no inkling that they are about to suffer a fate worse than one could possibly imagine. The strangers, one of whom is the inestimable Connie Mason, express bewilderment as the entire town turns out to greet them with waving Confederate flags and cheers of joy. The town mayor, who certainly ranks as one of the most amusing characters in the annals of film history, insists they stay in a local hotel in order to celebrate with the townspeople. He even assures his guests that the hotel bill is on him, in case the travelers feel burdened by the awesome responsibility of staying over for a few days. The group of carpetbaggers grudgingly acquiesces, with only Tom (a teacher heading to a convention in Georgia) questioning why a southern town celebrates the anniversary of the end of the Civil War. Lewis doesn't waste too much time getting into the gore, and the whole story plays out amidst banjo music, waving flags, and lots of rebel yells. The conclusion even attempts a surprising twist for a movie of this caliber, as the viewer discovers the secrets of Pleasant Valley and its gruesome celebrations.
"Two Thousand Maniacs" aims for the funny bone as well as the churning stomach. Just look for the two hayseeds (named, appropriately enough, Rufe and Lester) that do most of the legwork getting the Yankees into town. Both take their roles so over the top that it's easy to write it off as prejudice against the South on the part of the filmmakers. In fact, many stereotypes in this film are downright offensive. Even still, the whole thing is great fun. Lewis filmed the picture in St. Cloud, Florida in roughly two weeks, and most of the people seen in the background shots actually lived in that town. The residents of St. Cloud went out of their way to accomdate Lewis during the shooting schedule, and many of these people saw the finished product and expressed their enjoyment of the film. The rest of the South apparently saw something in this film, as Lewis states on the commentary track that "Two Thousand Maniacs" was a big hit at drive-ins throughout the South.
This DVD release has gobs of extras, including numerous outtakes (a lot of which show Connie Mason brushing her hair), tons of stills, and a gallery of promotional material associated with the release of the film. The best extra is the commentary track with Lewis and Friedman. This commentary is easily one of the best I have ever heard on a DVD, and it is one of the funniest as well. By listening to the comments about the film, you learn that Connie Mason was a terrible driver, that Lewis performed the title track to the movie, and that softballs thrown during the shooting of the rock crushing scene damaged parked cars just beyond the range of the camera. Friedman and Lewis get so chummy here that I wondered if doing these commentaries led to the making of "Blood Feast 2." Whatever the case, you cannot go wrong with this DVD. The picture quality is AMAZING for a film of this age and budget. "Two Thousand Maniacs" is a great introduction into the grotesque world of H.G. Lewis.
this town's gonna rise again... yee haw!
Classick!

EXCELLENT MYSTERY/EROTICA FILMFor a DVD in this genre it has lots of extra features including a commentary track by the principal actors who keep cracking up over the lines they had to deliver (a bit irritating), deleted scenes and a behind the scenes featurette.
If you like this sort of late night cable movie, it's worth a purchase because of the extras.
Keep Kept For Christian Oliver

Unrealistic fights, but good performance
One of the few Capoeira movies
Greatest Capoeira Movie ever!

Implausible Plot + Distracting CastingAs for the movie itself, other reviewers here have remarked about the implausible plot, which is mainly silly due to the unlikelihood of a lowly assistant DA suddenly having a career zoom up to the highest office of DA solely on one case. As for the case itself, for the cop-killing drug dealer, I found the whole thing laughable, and the part of the drug dealer was written and played as a horribly one-dimensional stereotypical character.
The whole "morally-conflicted prosecutor" concept wouldn't seem so boring now if we hadn't already been pounded over the head with it on TV in the last 5 years or so - "Law and Order", etc have managed to make the legal process interminably boring for me, and I am going to avoid any such movies or shows like the plague for the time being.
Justice does not always follow the strict letter of the law.Andy Garcia stars as a young assistant district attorney whose father, Ian Holm, is a cop who's been injured in a shootout with a drug dealer, played by Shiek Mamud-Bey. Ron Liebman, the District Attorney, lets Garcia prosecute the case, which seems to be simple. But the defense lawyer, played by Richard Dreyfus, introduces the concept of police corruption. And so, even though the outcome of the case is clear, other issues come into play, especially since the young prosecutor's own father might be involved.
The film moved fast, the plot deepening as the story moved along. And it was nice to recognize two actors who later went on to fame in The Sopranos: James Gandolfini is cast a cop and Dominic Chianese, who plays Uncle Junior, is cast as the judge.
The story held my interest, the acting good and the ending was satisfactory and believable. You'll enjoy it if you like cop dramas. Recommended.
Overlooked, Masterpiece

Implausible Plot + Distracting CastingAs for the movie itself, other reviewers here have remarked about the implausible plot, which is mainly silly due to the unlikelihood of a lowly assistant DA suddenly having a career zoom up to the highest office of DA solely on one case. As for the case itself, for the cop-killing drug dealer, I found the whole thing laughable, and the part of the drug dealer was written and played as a horribly one-dimensional stereotypical character.
The whole "morally-conflicted prosecutor" concept wouldn't seem so boring now if we hadn't already been pounded over the head with it on TV in the last 5 years or so - "Law and Order", etc have managed to make the legal process interminably boring for me, and I am going to avoid any such movies or shows like the plague for the time being.
Justice does not always follow the strict letter of the law.Andy Garcia stars as a young assistant district attorney whose father, Ian Holm, is a cop who's been injured in a shootout with a drug dealer, played by Shiek Mamud-Bey. Ron Liebman, the District Attorney, lets Garcia prosecute the case, which seems to be simple. But the defense lawyer, played by Richard Dreyfus, introduces the concept of police corruption. And so, even though the outcome of the case is clear, other issues come into play, especially since the young prosecutor's own father might be involved.
The film moved fast, the plot deepening as the story moved along. And it was nice to recognize two actors who later went on to fame in The Sopranos: James Gandolfini is cast a cop and Dominic Chianese, who plays Uncle Junior, is cast as the judge.
The story held my interest, the acting good and the ending was satisfactory and believable. You'll enjoy it if you like cop dramas. Recommended.
Overlooked, Masterpiece

Bad Script Sinks Sexy ThrillerI couldn't tell. All I was sure of was that the movie was a bare-bones rip-off of "Indecent Proposal", with a pointless mob subplot to prop up the unraveling story. Granted, Tane McClure and Gabriella Hall are hotties, and the sex scenes do have some steam, so the movie isn't a total disaster, but ultimately, there's just not much to recommend here.
Can a man gamble for anything?
good

Watch It Only For Joel West
Why watch this? Taryn Reif, that's why. Because I said so!I try to look at these films as if the only thing holding them back from being great is the budget, and try not to blame any particular crew member for the deficiencies. But would this film have been superb with Star Wars-quality fx? Unlikely, since, in this case, NOTHING could have saved a script like this. The infamous scene where their buddy rides the surfboard into the mouth of the croc--well, you don't actually "see" it happen--and all they can do is say "that must suck"....what writer was thinking that an actual person would react so callously to a friend's violent demise? And the "croc-teasing" line: someone thought he was being clever, but when the characters are supposed to be scared out of their wits they probably wouldn't be cracking jokes. So here I have no choice but to point the finger at the writer as the biggest criminal.
Low budget also means low-paid actors, which means inexperienced actors, which means we must try to be kind to them. They need to eat, too. Taryn Reif--apparently a regular on the soap "One Life to Live"--is, ultimately, the only reason I watch this. She is outrageously sexy IMHO, though I can understand she's not everyone's cup of tea. She bares herself way too briefly, but throughout she is very scantily clad and has a body that won't quit! I just can't figure what a soap starlet would be doing in a movie like this. It's a step backwards, one would think.
In the end, the high point of this film is the eye candy, and Taryn is my personal favorite, though the other girl, the one with the sex scene, is quite the looker as well.
Fun