Actuarial Science Movie Reviews


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Family movie reviews for "Actuarial Science" sorted by average review score:

The Four Sided Triangle
Released in DVD by Anchor Bay Entertainment (22 May, 2000)
MPAA Rating: NR (Not Rated)
Director: Terence Fisher
Average review score:

Early Hammer disaster.
Unfortunately, the script is irreconcilably one dimensional. Whilst some may claim this to be an interesting pre-curser of Fisher's later Hammer Frankensteins, it simply isn't - interesting that is. The notion of cloning may have been relatively unheard of then, but now it just seems ages old, and the approach in this film is certainly hackneyed. The script takes too long to build up to anything approaching unsettling, the actual reproducing machine (inspired title that one) sequences are incredibly long and boring, and the characterisation dangerously inept. Take, for instance, James Hayter's father figure doctor. Although expressing his strong abhorrence of Stephen Murray's ideas, he decides to help him out with an insouciant passivity that borders on the ludicrous. James Hayter's character is funny it has to be said... but only because he was written as the prehistoric stereotypical British stiff upper lip consummate professional, a person I'm not sure ever did exist. It's not Fisher's fault that the material's so bad - it would have taken a miracle worker to save this one.

As for the DVD, well the picture quality is as good as can be expected for a film of such age. In the area of extras however, one senses Anchor Bay were bored with the film themselves. No trailers or tv spots, no production notes, just the bog standard casually narrated hotch potch of clips that make up the feeble "world of Hammer" compilation show. The clips of Peter Cushing in the Frankenstein films are worth seeing though.

Early (unsuccessful) Terence Fisher flick.
This film was made before Fisher found his stride in the later 50s with his classic versions of Frankenstein and Dracula. Hardcore Fisher fans might want to check it out; few others will be interested.

Worth a viewing for sci-fi fans...
This is not really a horror picture, as you might naturally expect from the Hammer logo, and the synopsis on the back of the case. Any horror here is not visceral, and not even psychological. If anything, the horror (such as it is), is posed philosophically.

Actually a sci-fi effort, "The Four Sided Triangle" is a very good British black and white film from 1953. The production values are really pretty good, although the film was obviously made inexpensively. I liked the cast, location shooting, cinematography, and the basic overall story, which is in the best tradition of sci-fi short stories.

Two scientists create a new process to "reproduce" matter from energy (think of a cross between a photocopier and the replicators on "Star Trek"). Both scientists are in love with the same girl, and one is bound to lose when she finally chooses between them. However, the loser hits upon the idea of replicating the girl, so everyone can be happy and get what they want... at least on paper.

The gadget at the center of the tale, the "reproducer", is important but incidental. The device serves to facilitate the "what if?" quality of the story, making the normally impossible suddenly somehow possible. Scientific explanations of the device are not necessary, because the story is about how the characters react to the new problems their invention creates. In other words, the real story is between the characters, and unlike today's cineplex-infesting tripe, the focus is not on the special effects.

The film asks big questions that it never answers, and even then, it only asks them indirectly. Regardless, while the film is not completely successful, it does manage satisfy.


Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter
Released in DVD by Image Entertainment (29 July, 2003)
MPAA Rating: Unrated
Director: William Beaudine
Average review score:

Ouch! This movie's bad!
I purchased this movie just to see how campy it would be and it was terrible. I can't believe that William Beaudine (Producer) actually thought that this flick would sell? Anyway, I thought it would be fun but, it was one big waste of time...

Two thumbs down. Purchase it only if you must but, I wanted it for my collection.

Gothic Terror in the Old West! Yeah, right! (Yawn).
Jesse James (John Lupton) and his pal, Hank Tracy take part in a failed stagecoach robbery. Hank is wounded by the posse and they seek medical assistance from, of all people, Dr. Frankenstein's granddaughter. When things got too hot for them in Europe, Maria Frankenstein (Narda Onyx) and her homunculus brother moved to the American Southwest and took up residence in a gloomy abandoned monastery. We are told that American electrical storms used in Frankenstein's experiments are more potent and reliable than the European variety. Sappy science from the "technical" director, no doubt. After Jesse and the wounded Hank knock on her door, the fatal female decides to use the king-sized Hank as her latest experiment in brain surgery and behavior control.

I stand humbled and speechless after viewing this movie. It's difficult to adequately describe this film (using the term very loosely). Combining a Grade B Western with the old low budget standby of the "mad doctor tampering in God's domain" sounds as if it's good fun for those of us who have the "So Bad, It's Good!" mantle proudly emblazoned on much of our personal video collection. For the most part, this film lacks both cheap thrills and unintentional laughs. The movie takes itself much too seriously. The cast and director grimly work their way through the script as if this is high drama instead of a fine opportunity at low comedy. Checkout the rainbow colored army helmets bedecked with electrodes used to transfer brainwaves (or something). The helmets are Dr. Frankenstein's version of cutting edge scientific technology, no doubt. Ditto the cheesy lab equipment that flashes, crackles, and pops on cue. Renaming the brain-tampered Hank "Igor" (or is it "Ygor"?) after the surgery is a nice touch. In these elements we see traces of low budget director William Beaudine's homage (albeit unintended) to that other infamous zero budget director, Ed Wood, Jr. If only Bela Lugosi was still alive in 1966!

See it, if you must. There is a companion volume to this movie called "Billy the Kid vs. Dracula." They sound like good Halloween party tapes, but "Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter" may be too much of a bad thing. Beware!

Ridiculous and Fun
This film is so outrageously ridiculous that you'd have to be a moron to dismiss it as unworthy. Where else could you see Frankenstein's granddaughter banished (?) to the 'Wild Wild West', only to resume her wacked-out experiments on the wholehearty locals. Fine performances had by all - especially Dr. F's hencheman who looks in desperate need of another brandy throughout.

Great fun.


Nautilus
Released in DVD by Mti Home Video (26 June, 2001)
MPAA Rating: R (Restricted)
Director: Rodney McDonald
Average review score:

Not -ilus
Any movie which focuses heavily on a time travelling submarine is doomed to start with. Yet the creators of this movie managed to make it even worse than expected. The main feature of this giant submarine was a giant hand lever that actually operated something. Then to top it all off the submarine had lavishly furnished room complete with an abundance of artwork. Wouldn't you suppose that on a time travelling submarine space would be at a premium, and you wouldn't want a hand crank doing anything?

Apparently the creators of this movie disagree. They seemed to be more focused on the super drill which can bore to the center of the earth and provide power for the world. Little does the money grubbing drill owner know that this will cause the end of the world and a drastic outbreak of toxic shock. And apparently this toxic shock can affect the male population and is indeed caused by bad drinking water. I think some writer was sleeping during his junior high health classes.

Even though I give this movie one star, I think you should see it. It's so terrible it's funny. While you're at it, rent Octopus too, that is another submarine classic. That way you can explore the ocean to your heart's content.

TIME TRAVEL TIME WASTER
Telling a good time travel story and making it into a movie is pretty difficult even with good acting, good special effects and good directing. Try Nautilus: bad acting, bad special effects and poor directing.

STORY: People from the year 2099 living on environmentally decimated planet earth decide to return to 1999 in a time traveling submarine to fix history. The problem is to stop a new big energy project from being started up in 1999. This is what caused all of the 2099 troubles. But from beginning to end not only is movie messed up by implausible plots, they are carried out by cliché people. The greedy energy broker, his sometimes homicidal, sometimes humantistic security specialist; who used to be a Special Forces Vietnam killer, then mercenary ... and now this. Mixed in with this mischigas are environmental terrorists who launch an attack against the new energy station; just as the Nautilius arrives in 1999 from the future. Let's not forget the inept U.S. Air Force which cannot manage to stop anyone from doing anything. Clichés on top of clichés.

As a time travel movie, the 1960 H.G. Wells-inspired movie Time Machine was infinitely better than this flick. With all of the new computer and special effects technology the producer, screenwriter, and director should have done a lot better. Moreover, with new genres springing from movies such as Alien, Star Wars, Lost in Space .... and on and on ... serving as positive role models, there is no excuse in 1999 for such a lousy movie as Nautilus. Save your time and bypass this awful movie.

Richard Norton in First Rate Action Pic!
"Nautilus" begins at a swift and entertaining pace in a moody South American setting where the film's hero, portrayed by Richard Norton with his dependable excellence, eludes his opponents down the corridors of a crumbling hotel. The scene
mixes a comedic tone with action -- not always a successful
combination in the hands of lesser actors. Norton strikes his marks and the fun never lets up as the plot moves into a futuristic world of time travel aboard the high seas. With his able supporting cast, Norton and company make the film a first rate adventure. It is a DVD that action fans will want to own!


Solar Force
Released in DVD by Pioneer Video (21 November, 2000)
MPAA Rating: R (Restricted)
Director: Boaz Davidson
Average review score:

THIS MOVIE BLOWS!!!!!!!!
If you love horrible special effects and bad acting that ISN'T humorous, then this movie is for you. Also, this movie is for those who don't want to be surprised. I had everything figured out about 10 minutes before it happened. In a nutshell: THIS MOVIE BLOWS!

Drago's talent under used in "Solar"
For Billy Drago (Diplomatic Immunity) fans this is not an example of his best work but if you collect his movies, add it. The storyline is okay and Michael Pare (appearing with Mr. Drago again in Deadly Heros) is good in his role as a motorcycle-riding lunar cop from the future. For Drago fans though, Mr. Drago is the bad guy as usual but he uses a lot of profanity which is really not his style. As a psycho biker, Drago's role could have been developed more to give Pare a much better advisary. A good portrayal in the movie is done by Robin Smith (Never Say Die). He's an android from hell sent to finish up what Pare doesn't. Still, this movie is worth a look for any sci-fi lover.

Not Quite Classic
I am a big fan of Michael Pare, as well of biker movies. This movie combines almost all of the qualities that make a good sci-fi adventure movie a classic. I has a likeable hero, two love-to-hate villians, and an enjoyable, developed plot all the way through. Unfortunatley, where this film lacks is in teh musical score. The same annoying song is used over and over again, and oftentimes the music doesn't really seem to fit the action. This film might actually be made better with no music at all, such is the extent to which the music ruins the movie, depriving it of a deserved five-star rating.


Monster from Green Hell
Released in DVD by Image Entertainment (29 May, 2001)
MPAA Rating: NR (Not Rated)
Director: Kenneth G. Crane
Starring: Jim Davis
Average review score:

Truely a Green Hell
As I buff of the "oldies" of filmdom, I must admit this is perhaps the worst of them all.
Stock footage of many jungle flicks, tons of talk and in about the last 15 minutes we get treated to the superimposed plastic wasps that eventually get over shot with see through sceens of an erupting volcano. Sitting through of about 70 minutes of this movie is truly.........

What would Jock Ewing do in a fight with giant wasps?
The title of this low-budget 1958 monster movie is a little on the vague side. For one thing, there is not "a monster" but several monsters, a whole colony of them-what we have here are radioactive, gigantic wasps. Green Hell turns out to be a remote section of land in the interior of eastern Africa. All the trouble starts when the (or at least a) space agency launches a rocket occupied by a number of different test animals, including wasps, into space. The purpose is to test the effect of radiation on living creatures as a precursor for future manned space flights. The rocket malfunctions and does not return to earth as scheduled. Time goes by, and then reports of chaos in eastern Africa begin to appear in the press. Convinced that the radioactive rocket must be responsible for the trouble, the scientists (apparently the only two employees of the whole space agency) fly out there and embark on a really long, really boring trek through the jungles to get to the remote site. By the time they get to the nearest village to Green Hell, the white missionary/doctor and several natives have already died at the hands of obviously fake, gigantic wasps. By now convinced that the giant wasps are in fact real and that their wayward rocket is pretty much responsible for the whole mess, the scientists take along the useless, boring daughter of the dead doctor and a couple of brave Africans and seek to track the creatures down and destroy the queen before she produces enough offspring to kill every living thing on the continent.

Although I hardly recognized him at first, the heroic Dr. Quent Brady is played by Jim Davis, better known as that man's man Jock Ewing on TV's Dallas. He's not enough to really save this film, however (and his voice-over journal notes often drag the movie's already slow pace). The giant wasps really aren't that impressive, and I'm still a little befuddled at the remarks of Quent that the tracks they find are definitely wasp tracks; I wasn't really aware that wasps leave tracks. Oh, well. Mainly what you get here is plenty of stock footage of African wildlife and a whole lot of walking-walking in the desert, walking in the jungle, walking in Lippert-like abundance. The final payoff is also a real clunker, taking what little wind this movie has in its sails and dispersing it in the winds of B-movie oblivion.

Fine DVD of lethargic big bug/jungle flick for diehards only
Monster from Green Hell is probably the most watchable entry in the micro-genre of "jungle science fiction movies " (even deadlier examples include The Unknown Terror and The Flame Barrier), but it's sure to be rough going for all but the most dedicated bad-film fanatic. The pacing throughout can only be described as leaden. Director Kenneth Crane (Half Human, The Manster) can't blame the editor; he cut it himself. There is also, unfortunately, a relative dearth of those so-awful-it's-great moments that cheap-movie addicts live for. Even fans of producer Al Zimbalist's bona-fide camp classics (i.e., Cat Women of the Moon, Robot Monster) are going to have to scrape for their fun here. Jim Davis, familiar from zillions of movie westerns, TV westerns, and coffee commercials, is Dr. Quent (yes, Quent) Brady (check that greasy kid stuff in his hair); Robert Griffin (I Was a Teenage Werewolf) is fellow scientist Dan Morgan; and Joel Fluellen (Jackie Robinson Story, White Goddess, Riot in Cell Block 11), as Arobi, actually plays that rarity in pre-1960s movies, a black (African) man with dignity and intelligence (one of the film's few pleasant surprises). The male leads smoke a lot (Dan even offers Quent a cigarette in his hospital bed), joke around with live grenades, and exchange some fairly Wood-en dialogue ("I don't know, I may be way off base on this thing." "But you don't think you are, and that's important!"), and Barbara Turner as Dr. Lorentz's daughter Lorna has to be the strangest, most unappealing "heroine" ever. She comes across as a dour, moody, hyperreligious whiner. Where's Beverly Garland when you really need her? Anyway, Quent and Dan are working on an experimental small-animal rocket mission (their bus-sized computer will please knob-and-dial freaks), when the missile crashes somewhere in Africa. An expedition to recover the rocket and its contents is mounted by Dr. Lorentz, played by Vladimir Sokoloff (Teenage Werewolf, Beyond the Time Barrier, Mr. Sardonicus). Fortunately, they don't make you wait until the finish to get a glimpse of the giant mutant wasps; they munch a couple of victims fairly early on. But a good chunk of the movie consists of monotonous trudging through the jungle (most of it courtesy of voluminous stock footage), and much of the 'action' that occurs is coincidentally very inexpensive (the poisoned water hole, the rain storm), happens offscreen (the monsters' attack on Dr. Lorentz), or is accomplished via still more stock footage (the native attack, various animal attacks), with the notable exception of a brief animated snake/wasp battle. Dr. Lorentz's death leads to a minor outbreak of pseudophilosophical discussion and the expedition's native guides soon desert them as they near "Green Hell." They finally meet up with a horde of the giant wasps, which are realized through a combination of life-sized mockups and animated models. Their droning sounds a lot like power tools, and some are shown in negative. Though obviously done on a shoestring, by Jack Rabin and Louis DeWitt (Kronos, War of the Satellites, Atomic Submarine), the animated wasps are oddly effective, kind of like one of those cheesy Outer Limits "bears." There is an unsettling quality to them as they loom up over the mountains during the climax. Much confusion in and around Bronson Canyon ensues and the wasps are finally destroyed (while the scientists just sit and watch) in a hokey finish boasting even less convincing "special effects" than the rest of the movie, and capped by a moment of maudlin religiosity. Fans of VERY cheap jungle movies and/or big bug movies will probably find a painless, if rather slow, 70 minutes of mild amusement here; all others, well, consider yourselves warned.
Image's DVD, like others in their Wade Williams series, looks as good as anyone could expect for a movie of this genre and budget. There is some light speckling and blemishing throughout (a little bit heavier at the very beginning and during some of the stock footage), and a bit of light lining near the beginning also, but this clears up pretty quickly and the majority of the film thereafter looks great. Black level, contrast/brightness, tonal values, shadow/highlight detail, and sharpness are generally excellent (except again in some of the stock footage). It's unlikely we'll ever see a better print and transfer. (There is another version out on a triple-feature DVD on some no-name label that can probably be assumed is the usual PD junk.) Five other Wade Williams trailers are found in a cookie, and the theatrical trailer for the feature is accessed by clicking on the wasp in the middle of the screen. While suffering from the usual speckling, blemishing, and lining, the MFGH trailer looks generally very good to excellent, if a bit soft. A fairly expensive package considering the limited extras (Image's pricing strategy eludes me sometimes) but if you're into seriously mind-numbing poverty-stricken 1950s monster trash (like I am), an essential addition to the collection nonetheless.


Cybernator
Released in DVD by Simitar Video (08 September, 1997)
MPAA Rating: R (Restricted)
Director: Robert Rundle
Average review score:

Very bad
I actually like B movies, but the problem is, this one is so horrible, it makes me sick. Usually B movies are entertaining in their own way, but this one just churns your stomach and makes your head hurt. Bad acting, bad story, and it isn't even "funny" bad, like some B movies are. Avoid at all cost.

Cybernator ruined my marriage!
Few things can be said about this movie. Let's put it this way. I haven't thrown up in a really long time. Probably since the age of 13, I'm 40 now. One night the wife and I decided we wanted a good sci-fi flick so we picked up Cybernator. The entire family is sitting in the living room watching this disgrace. My children were crying and I was violently wretching on my wife's face. Cybernator was so awful that if I got a water gun, painted my face white, and spoke like my baby daughter it would be more Science Fiction-y. This moive impacted my family very much. The morning after I awoke to realize that my wife and children had moved out. She left a note about how she could not love a man who introduced his family to Cybernator. She said that if one of the children dies that she would tell officers that they were murdered by me. The letter ended with her saying that after watching Cybernator I pretty much had already murdered my family. It's been tough lately. Since my divorce I walk the streets-face painted white, carrying a super soaker. I only respond if I am referred to as 'Cybernator.' I have acquired the ability to fly too! Thank you Robert Rundle...thank you for my hell that some might call life. Death to the Cybernator!

Magnificently Terrible
Pure comic genius. DVD was packed with terrible moments that strike fear into and shame into anyone who sat thru this movie. This movie gives hope to any up and coming film producers; anyone can make anything, and everyone will buy it.


E P O C H 2000
Released in DVD by Lions Gate Home Ente (14 May, 2002)
MPAA Rating: PG-13 (Parental Guidance Suggested)
Director: Matt Codd
Average review score:

BAD MOVIE ALERT!
this movie has taught me that live is short and every second precious. do not waste a moment.

Solid for a DTV...
UFO LLC is not the film company to go to when you're looking for solid filmmaking or great writing. They're a company that thrives only on its special-effects rather than anything else. Yet for what it's worth, I found "Epoch" to be a very enjoyable movie where I didn't need to think for a bit. Compare it to "Sphere" and it seems like a sci-fi masterpiece! The story is not the usual large-monster horror film like UFO usually does. It's about an alien artifact that is found in Bhutan. The army is sent to investigate it. Many theories rise up and there are a few neat effects sequences. The movie never tries to rise above its own intelligence. It never once insults the intelligence of the viewer, and it never stretches anything out to a ridiculous length. The special effects are extraordinary, the best UFO has ever done. The story is simple enough, but not stupid. True, when you get right to it, it's another direct-to-video movie. But not once does it try to pretend its anything more. I liked it.

It's not that bad a film.
This isn't as bad a film as some critics make out. I have seen a lot worse and they had a bigger budget than this made for TV movie had. Does anyone remember "Battlefield Earth"? Now that was a film that stank and sank! EPOCH on the other hand is an easy to watch, easy to understand movie that touches on areas that we all know and love.

The plot follows a group of investigators as they struggle to find out the truth behind a strange monolith that has appeared in the middle of nowhere in Bhutan. David Keith is a dying scientist who finds himself cured of a terminal illness after he enters the Monolith. Ryan O'Neil doesn't do too badly as his equally confused colleague trying to keep the Military under control whilst at the same time trying to understand what is happening. The much loved James Avery (from the Fresh Prince of Bel Air) gives a good performance as a military Doctor and the excellent James Hong is cuttingly sarcastic as Chinese Ambassador Po. Add to this a Colonel with a power complex, a Captain whose belief in God comes into conflict with his orders and you have a pretty good film.

The film's overall storyline is that the Monolith intends to "wipe the slate clean and start all over again," because in a nutshell earth and its destructive human population isn't worthy of existing anymore. The Monolith is able to resequence DNA, hence David Keith's miraculous cure and the resurrection of two dead Chinese pilots and a Scientist.

Okay so the special effects aren't all that and a bag of chips, but even with a couple million dollars worth of special effects, "Battlefield Earth" still managed to honk louder than a gaggle geese in a farmyard!

It's not a terribly suspenseful film but it is watchable and not as bad as some people are making out. It certainly isn't cinema quality that is for sure then neither are a lot of movies that make it to the cinema and I don't see them getting panned in the same way. Make your own mind up about this movie, don't expect much other than a nice little movie that you can rent out when there is nothing else available. Like I said, it's not that bad.


Sore Losers
Released in DVD by Etd Home Video (09 November, 1999)
MPAA Rating: NR (Not Rated)
Director: John Michael McCarthy
Average review score:

The real sore losers are those who actually watch this film
There's not much I can say about The Sore Losers except to stress the fact that it makes no sense whatsoever; the very thought of any part of this movie making the least bit of sense never even occurred to writer/director/producer John Michael McCarthy. This alien from who knows where named Blackie was sent to Earth by "the elders" in the 1950s to kill twelve beatniks, but his allotted time ran out with three victims left to go. The elders brought him back and confined him somehow, but after forty-something years he has escaped and has come back to finish the job. He hooks up with a couple of associates, a comic book [enthusiast] who looks like Prince and a brutal redhead of a woman, but the trio makes the mistake of killing one too many people. Blackie's in trouble again, but the elders give life back to the redhead's decomposing mother and tell Blackie to kill a certain individual if he wants to be granted a safe return home. He meets another alien like him stranded on earth and is told that the elders are lying to him. To kill or not kill the intended victim becomes the question.

This movie never sits still; scenes change, characters change and morph, angelic beings with giant snakes pop up, people die, don't die, and "undie," all without a moment's notice and often in rapid succession. Even God and Satan aren't safe from the awful clutches of this movie, as they too get thrown into the illogical mix. Comic books are inexplicably important, and hippies are seemingly public enemy number one. I won't even try to describe this movie any more than this because I can't and, more importantly, because it simply isn't worth it. If this movie were a human being, it would be confined in a straitjacket and stuck in a maximum security mental asylum for the rest of its life. I guess I can begrudgingly credit the ending with what might be called a very tiny bit of a philosophical ending, but in doing so I am being incredibly generous to a movie that goes far out of its way to make sure no one can possibly understand the first thing about it.

SORE LOSERS....Not for long!
Like the other reviewers I too had problems with my copy of SORE LOSERS. As I had only seen the film via a poor grade video dub I was greatly disappointed that the DVD (which is soon to be rare) was defective.

A gawdy looking DVD set caught my eye recently. The colorful packaging boasted that it was a 2-DVD set with four films. Shockingly, one of those films is SORE LOSERS. The DVD package is called HOTTER THAN HELL ... The set includes such cinematic trash as Witchcraft X and XI and a shot on video werewolf picture called The Strangers. How SORE LOSERS wound up with these films is anyone's guess.
I picked up the fine priced set and I am pleased to report that not only is SORE LOSERS now defect free but that the picture quality is a bit stronger. For such a price I thought that the film would start as soon as I popped the disc in but to my surprise the DVD sports an attractive menu and chapter marks.
As for the other films, they are not my cup of tea. While I enjoy a good trashy flick with naked women as much as the next guy I like the films to be at least interesting and fairly well done, not one of the other three even comes close.

SORE LOSERS is one of the few seriously low budget films that I have seen over the last 10 years that I have really enjoyed. It's a side of trash culture outside of John Waters. The energetic film is full of old school Kozikish pop culture and fetish queens. The (often nude) women are are not your standard Hollywood fare (thank you), they're more akin to Richard Kern and Eric Kroll fetish models (I'm pretty sure at least one of them is).
I prefer to not say more about the film as I believe it is one best seen without knowing quite what to expect. Just know that if you love beautiful fetish models, old comic books, a bizarre story, and dark humor that you'll probably dig SORE LOSERS.

Worthy of Hunter Thompson
With a tag line of "Hot rod juvenile delinquents and amazona from outer space have come to Memphis to kill hippies", I just couldn't say no. Lots of 60's/70's nudity, rock-n-roll, & violence with sequences and transitions that make the whole thing seem like an acid trip. Best advice I can give is to have 3 beers before starting the movie and keep going as you watch it.


Destroy All Planets/Attack of the Monsters
Released in DVD by Ventura Distribution (28 January, 2003)
MPAA Rating: NR (Not Rated)
Director: Noriaki Yuasa
Average review score:

Incredibly cheesy Roger Corman films....
Okay they feature Gamera and were made in Japan, but they look like they made the movies with advice from Roger Corman. Even the film prints themselves looked grainy and have aged badly.

Ignore this mess.

Not Too Bad - DVD Menu Not The Best
First off, these are the AIP edition of the movies. Uncensored prints of Attack of the Monster are extremely rare, and I haven't seen any uncensored English editions. These movies have changed hands more than the Godzilla movies, and I don't know the differences between the two English editions I've heard about besides the dubbing. Any older Gamera movie is hard to find in any video format so this could be all we see for a long time on DVD. Both movies are pan / scan editions and from 16mm.

The first movie is Attack of the Monsters (aka Gamera vs. Guillon or Gamera vs. Guiron - depending on your source. Neptune Video used the first spelling, a reference book used the second). A boy and his friend see a UFO through his telescope and think they know where it landed. The boy's sister finds the flying saucer, and the two boys get inside just as it takes off on autopilot. The flying saucer looks alot like the Jupiter 2 with fins and a spinning thing on top. No one will listen to the girl's story about what happened except for one police officer. Meanwhile, the two boys are stuck on a planet with two female aliens who want to eat their brains. The monster Guillon is under the aliens' control. This print is censored with Guillon's fight with Space Gyaos being cut short.

The second movie is Destroy All Planets (aka Gamera vs. Viras). This is the first time for me to ever see this so I can't comment on what might be censored. Two boys in an experimental submarine are captured by an alien ship and become prisoners. However, the aliens are really after Gamera since he is their main obstacle to conquering Earth. The aliens capture Gamera long enough to attach a mind control device. Later, Viras is released to fight Gamera. (I can't explain why without giving a spoiler.) This movie uses many scenes from previous movies as the aliens try to find a way to defeat Gamera. Even some of the "new" scenes appear to use old footage even from the original black and white Gamera movie - tinted red here.

These movies are presented as you might have seen them broadcast on TV - before cable TV came along. The voice acting is OK. Both movies have a copyright of 1969. The original edition of Destroy All Planets was release one year earlier in Japan.

I could do without the Dragnet-style music during the FBI warning. The face of the DVD looks like a video capture.

I don't like the menus on this DVD. I normally assume that the brightest item is the selected one. With only two menu items (the title of each movie), it's not easy to tell at first that the item highlighted with green and somewhat dimmed is the selected movie. Plus, the menu comes up with the second (bottom) movie highlighted. The submenus for each movie are easier to navigate.

Each movie menu includes a photo collection. Under Attack of the Monsters, the images include movie posters and artwork for the VHS cases, LaserDisc slipcase, and DVD inserts. This includes material for all of the old movies plus the 1995 one. There are even illustrations of the monsters' anatmony (the same ones that are on the official Japanese web site). Under Destroy All Planets, the images are mainly production photos. These pictures are not still frames. They are presentations set to music with each image appearing for approximately 7 seconds.

Personally, I'd prefer to see the edition that Neptune Video had released on tape. I only got their subtitled letterboxed tapes so I don't know what their dubbed tapes were like except for the original 1965 movie. I don't know if their dubbed tape was like the AIP edition or not. I would like to see all of these older Gamera movies on DVD - released in both subtitled and dubbed as well as letterboxed.

Gamera double feature ...could be better.
I was glad to see "Destroy All Planets" (Gamera Vs. Viras) finally get released to video for the first time,
but disappointed with the quality. The film print has yellowed and the hue has shifted slightly red.
Bit of a drag, because it's the better of the two movies.
"War of the Monsters" (Gamera Vs. Guiron) the second film, was taken from a good quality print.
The colors are rich and vibrant, and the transfer is very sharp.
Both movies are on the same side of a dual-layered disk.
Each flick has six chapters, and amusing menu screens.
As an extra perk, there are two collections of promotion stills and Japanese movie posters. Both films have the original A.I.P. soundtracks, which are far superior to the versions re-dubbed by Sandy Frank in the 1980's. Unfortunately, these movies were released directly to television and mastered on 16mm, so the prints are somewhat grainy, and not widescreen. But what do ya want? We're talking about a giant fire-breathing, saber-toothed, prehistoric, flying turtle here. I predict this disk will end up being a collector's item, like the Simitar-Godzilla DVDs that sold out. If you're a Gamera fan, get this before it disappears.


Robocop 2 - Meltdown
Released in DVD by Lions Gate Home Ente (04 November, 2003)
MPAA Rating: R (Restricted)
Starring: Page Fletcher
Average review score:

Not vintage...
Since there were three of these Robocop things and the first one was great and the last one was bloody awful, one might be forgiven for assuming that the second one might not be that bad. But one would be wrong. Avoid.

IT'S SAD TO SEE HOW LOW THE ROBOCOP MOVIES HAVE REALLY GONE
IN THE 2ND INSTALLMENT IN THE PRIME DIRECTIVES SERIES, ROBOCOP GOES CRAZY AND STARTS TO WREAK HAVOC ON DETROIT. BUT TROUBLE FOR ROBOCOP SOON COMES WHEN HIS SYSTEM STARTS TO BREAK DOWN ON HIM AND EVEN WORSE IS THE FACT THAT OCP HAS MADE A NEW ROBOCOP TO STOP HIM, WHICH IS MODELED AFTER ROBO'S MURDERED PARTNER, JOHN CABLE. THIS IS VERY VERY BORING AND IT'S VERY VERY POINTLESS. I MUST SAY THAT PAGE FLETCHER IS BY FAR THE WORST ROBOCOP TO EVER APPEAR ON SCREEN. HE MAKES ROBERT JOHN BURKE SEEM LIKE PETER WELLER. WELL, SO FAR, THE 1ST 2 MOVIES IN THE PRIME DIRECTIVES SERIES HAVE BEEN BOTH EQUALLY BORING, I STUTTER TO THINK WHAT PART 3 IS GONNA BE LIKE.

IT'S A SHAME WHAT THE ROBOCOP MOVIES HAVE BECOME
IN THE SECOND INSTALLMENT OF THE PRIME DIRECTIVES SERIES, ROBOCOP GOES MAD AND HE STARTS WREAKING HAVOC ON DETROIT. TO STOP HIM, OCP MAKES A NEW MACHINE THAT'S SUPERIOR TO ROBOCOP. MAN, LET ME SAY THIS, PAGE FLETCHER IS THE WORST ROBOCOP OF THEM ALL. HE MAKES ROBERT JOHN BURKE SEEM LIKE PETER WELLER. THIS MOVIE IS SERIOUSLY BORING. IF YOU ASK ME, THEY SHOULD'VE JUST STOPPED MAKING ROBOCOP MOVIES. SO FAR, THE FIRST TWO MOVIES OF THIS SERIES HAVE BEEN BORING. I WONDER WHAT 3 IS GONNA BE LIKE.


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