Actuarial Science Movie Reviews

the red stuff is missing from this one. A few splatters on a tree and some morphed corpses are about all we get here. Theres a few scenes with the obligatory nudity, and one of the lasses is actually fairly easy on the eyes. But alas, it takes more than a pair of chest pillows to save this one.

2 stars.

Rock Hudson stars as the doctor who finds an injured dog on the road and takes it home to nurse back to health. The doctor has been working on advanced growth formulae, however, and is able to regenerate (or clone) the dog within a matter of weeks. He is thrilled with his success and decides to make the giant leap to cloning a human. Not only does this intrigue the viewer, but introduces an eerie and suspenseful feeling about what is going to happen, especially when his "cloned" dog has an encounter with a small white dog (you'll have to see the movie to find out what happens here).

His "cloned" human is a girl named Victoria, nicely played by Barbara Carrera. Within days she is a beautiful, fully-grown adult with the remarkable ability to learn quickly and retain knowledge. She becomes very close to the doctor and helps him with his research. Then, near the end of the movie, something goes terribly wrong. It shows how an experiment can take a turn for the worse and is a warning to the limits of human testing. You will definitely have to watch the end of the movie to understand what I mean.

Embryo is successful as both a drama and pseudo-science movie. It was merely by chance that I watched it on T.V., but I'm glad I did because it was well worth it. The acting by Hudson and Carrera is well done, but I think the story idea itself makes this movie good. I recommend this movie to anyone who has an open mind to science and the future.

The DVD presentation doesn't help things any either. I find it impossible to believe that this was the best print left in all existence. It is extremely grainy, washed-out, and just plain bad-looking. The image is windowboxed since the sides of the screen look to be damages from the film being exposed to some sort of chemical build-up on one side. On the whole, it looks like it was left out in the sun for an extended period of time, with the only colors left being mostly ugly faded blues and browns. On top of this, the sound is out of sync which makes the dubbing look even worse than usual. Almost every sound comes about .5 seconds after the event takes place visually.

If they weren't going to go through the trouble of restoring a film, why bother putting it on DVD in favor of some other better movie in better quality?

The print quality of the movie is fair to good. The colors seem to go from rich to faded on and off throughout the film. The audio does suffer from some crackle as well. This film was poorly dubbed to begin with, so towards the end you will notice the audio track out of sync with the picture for a few minutes. But you just aren't going to find a better copy of this classic anywhere else.

To sum up the plot, a lone strongman (Gordon Mitchell) goes to the mysterious city of Metropolis to warn them that their scientific experiments will lead to their doom if they don't get on the same page with everyone else in the world! Great sets, strange characters and a surrealistic feel that can only be found in early 60's European fantasy films is all here!

If you liked SWV's "Goliath and the Dragon" or Trimark's "Adventures of Hercules" 4-pack release, you will certainly enjoy this sword and sandal rarity!

"Jeremiah" takes place 15 years after a plague has killed everyone who's hit puberty. (Finally, a plot-based defense of Hollywood ageism!) Curiously, the plague not only killed everyone past "the age of innocence," it also did a number on anybody without a Canadian accent. If you don't recognize a cast member immediately, chances are they were plucked out of a dinner theater somewhere in Winnipeg. Apparently, in the future everybody pronounces the word "about" kind of funny. Canada is an increasingly popular spot to shoot post-apocalyptic sci-fi (Dark Angel, for one) because of its perpetually gray skies and emotionless talent pool. And also because the Canadian government gives huge handouts to greedy producers looking to save a couple bucks.

From the quality of these scripts, my guess is that they saved some dough on the writing staff by taking a van down to a nursing home in Hollywood and loading up all the old writers from "Mannix" and "Battlestar Galactica." The poor old codgers probably thought they were going to Canada for some cheap prescriptions, only to find themselves locked in a 10x10 cell until they churned out a season's worth of material.

The result? I haven't heard such laugh-out-loud sanctimonious dialogue since I was a kid watching Saturday morning shows like "Isis" and "Ark II." But just as you get comfortable thinking you're watching an after-school special from the '70s with Scott Baio...BAM! The two leads have sex with a couple of prostitutes. This fulfills Showtime's nudity requirement, and cements its reputation as HBO's dumb, slutty cousin--enjoyable for half an hour, but never worth paying for.

So what becomes of such an embarrassment? Does Showtime quietly pull the show like they do with all of their other terrible original entertainment? Do they issue a blanket apology to anyone who might have seen the show, even if it was only for a few seconds while changing channels? No. They've released a boxed set.

In case you don't know the plot, Mad Scientist George Zucco has been shunned by the scientific world because of his theories of creating a great army of wolfmen. Now George is plotting his revenge by ... Zucco is priceless too as he weaves his revenge... But this film and sound quality of this version is not worth the [$$].

EXTRAS - This DVD does have some extras. It has an excellent copy of the trailer (from 35 mm). There is also an abbreviated audio interview with Glenn Strange. This is part of the same audio interview that appears on another DVD, but this one has been edited to include Strange's comments on his horror film performance. So, it is excellent. The last extra is the movie the Black Raven, an old Dark House mystery. The quality is much better than the Mad Monster, but still not great. It looks really good in comparison to the other film, but I suspect I would be complaining if I had watched it first. It's a fun little mystery and has some good comic effects by Glenn Strange.

You can't deny it's bad. You can't deny that Ed makes you laugh with the ineptitude of the entire production. Vampira had dialog in the original script but it was so bad she asked to do it mute, so she has no speaking parts!

Just count all the things Ed Wood gets wrong in this film. After eight disastrous attempts to take over the planet, the aliens invoke "Plan 9" wherein they raise the dead as foot soldiers. Vampira and wrestler Tor Johnson become zombies. You have a flying saucer that look a lot like a Cadillac hubcap held up by string. You have a star, Bela Lugosi, who died before filming started but who appears from beyond the grave, not to mention his stand-in, the chiropractor of the producer's wife. You have cops who scratch their noses with loaded guns, Dudley Manlove as the unforgettable leader of the aliens, sets that are about to tip over, plus a chilling introduction and postscript from the Amazing Criswell!

Is this the worst film of all time? What difference does it make? Do you really want to keep looking after you have experienced the two-time Golden Turkey Award-winning "Plan 9 From Outer Space?" You owe it to yourself to watch this movie at least once. It is part of our cultural legacy.

Moon 44 predates Stargate and is much more low-budget. It is darker and a little bizarre. The premise: send a bunch of fresh-faced boy cyberjockeys to live on a mining colony in space with a bunch of burly violent convicts and team them up to pilot spaceships to defend the colony. That's not a recipe for trouble, oh no. There's even a creepy shower scene.

And people wondered why they paid Jaye Davidson $1 million to do Stargate? Uh huh.

"Moon 44" is a good movie...and "Stargate" speaks for itself...GREAT!